Eclipse of Hearts ✔

Chapter 47. [Thorin]

Two chapters today, because it's my birthday! (:

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The letter was shaking in his hand. He crumbled the parchment, trying to regain controle over himself. Why the hell did he had to go to Lake town? Was there anything wrong with Erebor? He didn't understand in the first place why Kíli had left. Where had he been? Had he spoken to her? The thought of her squeezed his throat and he concentrated on his breathing. The last time he got panic attacks more and more often, out of nowhere. He needed a distraction. He needed something to calm him down, so that he wouldn't make decisions he would regret later. 
"Get Aymara," he grumbled to a dwarf, who was picking up the broken glass. After he had wounded himself this morning by stepping into a piece of it, it had seemed wise to let someone clean it up.
The dwarf nodded and disappeared, while Thorin sat on the bed, sighing. He preferred to act like he had never seen Kíli's letter, but it felt like he betrayed his sister when he refused to listen to the words of her son. 

He looked up when the door opened, but he frowned when he did not see Aymara but his guard. 
"Where is she?" he asked impatiently. 
"She doesn't want this anymore." Iorwen watched him with ice cold eyes and he tensed his jaws.
"So?"
"I assume you don't want to become rapist. Isn't being a murderer enough?"
Thorin in- and exhaled loudly. What did he care what others thought about him? They were all waiting for his dead anyway. 
"Oh? She had taken off her clothes as soon as she got the chance."
"She probably had other expectations." She gave him a sincere glance. "You should have them as well."
She bend her knees and picked up the rumpled letter from Kíli. "The meeting is within an hour."

"It's impolite he gives me so little time."
"Then you should have opened the letter earlier. I gave you the parchment yesterday."
Thorin watched her with anger. He didn't want to hear her comments. 
"I will not go."
"Please defeat your fear for once," Iorwen replied firmly, "instead of digging deeper and deeper. We don't need a king who hides like an afraid mouse because he is scared of the clouds in the sky!"
He stood up immediately. With a few steps he stood in front of her, but she kept looking calmly at him. 
"You know I'm right, Thorin. You are afraid to go outside. You are afraid of the memories." She sighed. "But those memories aren't dwelling outside. They are here."
He startled when she suddenly placed her hand against his chest. Confused he took a step back. 
"I am not afraid," he grumbled. 
"Then prove it! The only thing you have to do is to talk with you nephew! Why is that troubling you so much?"
Thorin looked the other way. He did not know why he disliked the idea so much. Even more, he knew Iorwen was right. The memories were not only outside. He realized that now, now he cast his mind back to a few days ago, when he had fallen on the floor, crying, haunted by memories. 
"You will find freedom when you leave behind your fear, Thorin," Iorwen piled it up. "Maybe going outside will finally give you to opportunity to lay down your memories to rest."

Subsequently Thorin stood before the gates of Erebor a few moments later. He walked wobbly for he had poured two more bottles into his mouth, so that he cared no longer. 

He cracked his eyes because of the sunlight that was shining towards him. It caused a headache and he immediately understood why he had avoided the open air for such a long time.
"We are going back," he mumbled and he already wanted to turn around, until he saw that Aymara was standing there. "What are you doing here?"
"She has to do something for me when we're in Lake town."
Thorin stared dazed at the women and shrugged eventually. Why should he care? The sooner this stupid idea was over, the better. He hoped Kíli would bring a good bottle of wine with him. 
"This isn't as bad as I thought," Thorin noticed, walking forward. The sky was blue and there was a chill breeze. All of a sudden he roamed to the right, bumping into Aymara. He chuckled. 
"I drank way too much, hmm? I bet Kíli doesn't want to talk with me. Although I wonder what he wants to talk about. Undoubtedly about Alyssae. He surely visited her. I bet he believes I have to go to her." He hiccuped. "But I know she doesn't want to see me." He wrapped his arm around Aymara. "For I am terrible, don't ya think? Maybe they should marry. She already caught me into her web and Fíli - Fíli loved her as well." He stumbled over his own feet, but could stay upright. "Fíli even died for her, while I wanted to kill her. Would you go back to someone like that?" He looked aside, but Aymara stared forward in silence. "Well?" he snarled impatiently. "Would you go back?"
Her lower lip was shaking. "P-probably not, m-my king," she muttered. "But I differ so much from her."
"You're damn right," Thorin admitted. "For her tits are the biggest I have ever seen. And her legs are so smooth and long and her ass..." He sighed. "If she heard me talking like this she would hit me in the face." He grinned. "But she is far - far away. Undoubtedly with a beautiful elf who has taken care of her."