Eclipse of Hearts ✔

Chapter 50. [Alyssae]

"I'm sure he will behave differently tomorrow," Eldinòr tried to cheer her up. Alyssae looked at the dwarfs around her, but none of them agreed. They knew better. 
"I should have expected this," she mumbled. 
She could hardly be angry at him, even though he had spoken words that hurt her. But he was so unhappy it gave her physical pain She wanted to hold him in her arms and tell him about their daughter, but she knew she couldn't skip the fact that she had lost Niamh. 
"Do you love him?" Alyssae wanted to know when she shove at a table with Aymara. 
Aymara sniffed. "I hate him." She looked at Alyssae for a moment and continued: "I think it's miraculous that you can love such a man."
A shiver crept down her spine. She knew that she hadn't heard half of the terrible things he had done. 
"He wasn't always this way."
Of course he had always been sullen and stubborn, but he had never been so... broken that he cared about nothing anymore. 
"I know." Aymara sighed. "In the beginnen he was nicer, but when his sister died, everything changed." She looked up.  "Since that moment he was convinced he had to forget you."
"I heard so, indeed."
A silence fell. 
"Why did you came?" Aymara asked after a while. "You think you can help him?"
"If there's anyone who can help him, it would be me," Alyssae answered. Although it would probably take a long, long time. 
"I think you're right," Aymara agreed. "I know he still loves you, but I doubt he will ever admit that."
A sad smile was around Alyssae's lips. "Well, we've been there before." She leaned a little backward. "And what are you doing here, Aymara? On this ship?"
The dwarf stared at the tabletop. "I am on the run. Iorwen promised to protect me. I think she hopes these elves will bring me far away from here."
Alyssae had to admit she was glad Aymara wanted to leave. Although she wasn't unfriendly, Aymara had slept with Thorin for three years. The few times Thorin and she had made love, was almost negligible. She knew she would be confronted with that as long as he dwarf woman was around. 

That night Alyssae couldn't sleep. For hours she was turning in her bed, but again and again she remembered Thorin's bloodshed eyes and his hairs full of knots. In the end she left her bed and walked to the deck, where bright stars greeted her. 
She leaned with her hands on the wooden handline and stared in the distance. The sky already regained its colour. A sigh left her lips. 
"Don't give up yet."
A breath touched her neck and she shivered. He laid his hands on her shoulders. 
Alyssae turned around. "Of course not. It just hurts to see him this way."
"Give him some time."
Alyssae looked into his eyes. He was very, very close. His upper leg touched hers and his chest was less than an inch away from her bosom. "Why aren't you sleeping?" she asked suspiciously. 
"Somebody's always at watch."
Alyssae bit on her cheek. That had been a stupid question. 
"He's a hot-tempered little chap," Eldinòr noticed. "He just stopped screaming." His eyes were winking. "How did he react? Did he begged for a kiss?"
Alyssae turned her face away. "He was making fun of me."
"Oh." He stretched out his hand. With the back of his fingers he fondled her cheek. "He was drunk, Alys. Believe me, there's no man who can resist you."
Her heart pounded in her chest nervously. She glanced in his eyes, who were so much sweeter than those of Thorin. Was he talking about himself? Couldn't he resist himself? 
That wasn't coming from one side. After four lone years she had heard Thorin hadn't enjoyed their intimacy as much as she had and that made her willing to give herself to someone else, somebody who did appreciate her and did long for her. 
She did not know if she did it in a fit, but she was so confused, angry and disappointed at the same time that she didn't want to be so severe for herself any longer. She closed her eyes and kissed his lips. The steel of the small spheres under his lips felt cold against her skin. His hand brushed her cheek, but then he turned his face away. 
"Don't make it so damn hard for yourself, Alys." 
Tears filled her eyes. "I thought..."
He closed his eyes and pressed his lips against hers again. "I don't know either," he whispered, looking at her. A hungry glance was reflected in his eyes. "But I don't think this is wise. You belong with Thorin."
She stared at the ground. "Maybe I did once, but I doubt we still belong together."
"Things will work out." He embraced her and kissed her forehead. "Just be yourself. You are a beautiful lady, Alyssae. Not only on the outside, inside as well. That will not escape anyone's attention, not even that of that stubborn dwarf." His fingers slid through her hair. "He fell for you a long time ago and according to the dwarf women, not much has changed. His memory just needs to be refreshed. Just be yourself. I am sure you will see through that distant attitude."
Alyssae leaned against him. His chest was rising and sinking beneath her cheek. It would be so much easier to follow another path with Eldinòr, but she knew it was not fair. She had tried that with Fíli. With Thranduin. 
Both were dead now.