Eclipse of Hearts ✔

Chapter 80. [Kíli]

Despite the fact that it had been his own decision to leave Erebor, goose bumps appeared on his arms when his eye caught the Lonely Mountain. A warm feeling he couldn't define very well spread through his chest. It had been years ago he had felt so alive - while that mountain harbored so many horrible memories as well. Despite everything it was still his home. His brother, his mother and he - they had all fought for this home. They had died and while they had been forced to leave, he had fled. He couldn't cope with his memories and that had been the reason he went to the elves.
He looked around, to the ship he was still on, but that he would leave soon. This had felt as a home too, between the elves who were bound to nothing. He had laughed with them and he had had the feeling they had a common goal, but still he knew he differed from this creatures. They might be free of every duty, but he wasn't. There was a people waiting for him, who needed his guidance now Thorin had sworn off the throne. 
Kíli had no idea how to rule, but he had had a clear example how not to do it. Doing everything different than Thorin had done would bring him far and the first thing he would do, was gathering his old friends, so that they could provide him with counsel. He trusted them and together they would be able to dismantle traitors like Vaughn, so that Erebor wouldn't suffer from the mood of their king again. His glance wandered through Thorin. He didn't look at the mountain, as Kíli had done, but he stared at the dark shadows of Mirkwood. Kíli wondered what he was thinking of. Did he fear to see the marching elf armies? He knew Thorin didn't want to return to Erebor. They shared the horrible memories, but Kíli believed their king had much more of them. He didn't want them to rest. He just wanted to leave them behind and never look back at them again. He had chosen to build up an existence elsewhere and this was the last thing he would do for Erebor. He would herald in a battle against a man who had tortured him for a full night. A man who would have killed him if the fiance of his own lover wouldn't have interfered. Kíli just hoped his uncle could keep his thoughts together as soon as his eyes would meet those of Thranduil. And even more he hoped that he could stepped over his own feelings. He knew who his enemy was. He knew his arrow could be aimed at her and he doubted he could fire. He doubted he dared to shoot at any elf, afraid he would kill her. And if that fear was legitimate, he would be a worse king than Thorin. He had never understood why Thorin had let his army collapse when the orcs had appeared with an elf at the gates, but suddenly Kíli could, after so many years, feel his fear. He could only hope he could put aside his personal longings.

They anchored. Thorin thanked the elves with few words. He hadn't asked if they would fight at their side and the pirates neither had spoken about it. Kíli however took enough time to say goodbye. They had done so much and there was no way to pay them enough.
"I wish you well," Philae said, who embraced him enthusiastically. "We'll meet again. Maybe I will be there on the battlefield, to see if there's something to gain."
By his grin one of his golden teeth was uncovered and Kíli gave him a quick smile. He understood the man didn't want to take part in a battle in which he would have to choose against his own race, but it was still a soothing feeling they would be around.
He didn't believe Eldinòr would leave without knowing whether Alyssae was still alive. He wouldn't be surprised if they would bounce on the door as soon as the banquet started, claiming they owed them something. A fact he couldn't disagree with.

The ladder was thrown overboard and Kíli followed Dwalin and Iorwen down. Thorin was the last who left the ship and whose feet touched the sandy ground. 
"We're going home!" Dwalin spoke optimistically. He showed Iorwen something that looked like a failed, nervous smile and Kíli chuckled softly. Dwalin was a great example of how a man could change because of the charms of a woman - even a woman who didn't even try to seduce him. 
His thoughts went through another dwarf woman, who had chosen to stay behind in Chyndall. She hadn't want to return to Erebor, and he understood why. It was not a place for a woman when she didn't want to defy the enemy and he believed she had already been through too much. He didn't know why Iorwen had smuggled her out of Erebor, but the dwarf wasn't someone who was easily impressed by the sadness of someone else. 
Kíli looked for the last time over his shoulder to the ship, then he left his safe haven and walked off the newly built quay, to Erebor, the golden city, that they soon had to protect against the ruses of the woodelf king.