Eclipse of Hearts ✔

Chapter 43. [Alyssae]

A burden had fallen off Alyssae's shoulders now she had paid her dept to Beorn, so she could sit around the table with him without feeling guilty. She found it hard to see the scar on his face, knowing it would never go away, but the skin-changer said he didn't care. 
Although Alyssae would have loved to stay a little longer, she knew it was important to go to Erebor as soon as possible, no matter how comforted she felt between Beorn's animals. The prospect to meet Thorin again made her quite nervous and she was starting to feel sick; her stomach hurt, she felt queasy and it was harder to breath. 
The men stocked up their supplies and paid Beorn generously. Alyssae watched them from a distance while she enjoyed the sun. The elves were laughing and singing, causing a dash of a smile around her lips. They looked so happy, while they had so little... The nature, their friends and a box with jewelry were enough. They didn't need large houses and luxurious furniture; a ship with a hammock was sufficient. 
Alyssae petrified when she felt two hands on her shoulders. Agitated she looked over her shoulder and Eldinòr grinned when he noticed her fright. 
"It's just me." He had knelt on the ground and looked in her eyes. "Let me massage your back."
"What?" Alyssae stared at him in disbelief. 
"You are in pain. I see it when you're walking."
Alyssae looked away. Her lower back hurt indeed, but she hadn't want to bother anyone. Three years of pregnancy had weakened her muscles and she had to train them again. 
"I don't need a massage."
"Just take my wise advice," Eldinòr answered severely. "We will enter an ice cold area, which will not do your muscles any good." He moved with his thumbs over the muscles in her shoulders. "I know what I'm doing."
Her skin tingled where his finger tips touched her and goose bumps appeared on her arms, so that her cheeks turned red. This made no sense. 
"Relax for once, Alys."
That's not that easy when you're touching me, she thought, but she kept these words to herself. She didn't even know what it meant. Maybe it was just a long time ago someone had touched her. 
"I don't want everybody to see that you're giving me a massage while they are all working."
"That's the privilege of a captain and a princess," he chuckled. "Well, then we're going out of sight."
Alyssae wanted to raise a protest, but she didn't know what to say. The last thing she wanted, was admitting she was ashamed of how he made her feel. 
Before she fully agreed, Eldinòr had helped her on her feet and walked to a grass hill upon which the sun was shining. It was a little away from the route between Beorn's house and the river. 
"This is ridiculous," she mumbled when Eldinòr stopped. 
"It's more ridiculous that you haven't relaxed for years!"
Alyssae glanced at the grass around her feet. What was she supposed to do? Lay? Sit? This made her feel so uneasy...
"And now?" she mumbled. 
Eldinòr shrugged. "Just relax."
Alyssae sighed and sat down in the grass eventually. She rolled on her belly and folded her arms under her head. "Like this?"
"Beautifully."
His hands pushed the straps of her dress over her shoulders and she looked over her shoulder agitated. "What are you doing?"
"Well, I have to find a way to get to your back, hmm?"
Alyssae blushed and looked away nervously. Could this get even worse? She wrang her arms through the sleeves and she felt how he flipped back the dress until her waist. Fortunately he didn't loosen her other clothes. 
"By the heavens, have you planned this?" she asked baffled when she felt drops of oil on her skin, which he started to spread. 
"I promised your father to take care of you."
"I can't imagine he cares about massages."
"Close your eyes, hold your tongue and try to enjoy this."
Alyssae sighed, but did as he said, although it was anything but pleasant. Because of the silence she was even more aware of the hands that went over her back, kneaded her muscles and caused tinglings she could even feel in her toes. 
She tried to focus on something else, but when she saw Niamh's face, followed by that of Thorin, she concentrated quickly on Eldinòr's hands again. She felt guilty toward both. She had abandoned her daughter and was laying in the grass now. An elf was massaging her while her little girl could be starving. She let someone else touch her, while Thorin locked himself up in a room and probably drank himself to dead. She knew her guilt about Thorin was unfounded. Thorin sought entertainment with other women as well but Alyssae still loved him - or at least the man he once had been, and it felt not right that somebody else was touching her - no matter how innocent his thoughts might be. Hers were not, for she knew she enjoyed his touches. Every time his hands covered another part of her skin, she longed for his hands to move on, as if every inch of her body needed new life after the hard times she had gone through.