Eclipse of Hearts ✔

Chapter 49. [Alyssae]

"Are you sure you want to go on your own?" Kíli asked when she had bent her knees to open the hatchway. 
"Yes." She didn't want anyone to be a witness of their reunion. The tears already burnt in her eyes and she hadn't even seen him yet. 
"All right. I..." He looked at her and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Good luck."
Alysssae nodded and she opened the hatchway. His voice floated toward her and she wondered if he talked to himself or to the two women who were with him. She did not know why they were still prisoners. Eldinòr wanted to speak to them first before they could do whatever they wanted. 
Alyssae's legs were trembling when she descended the stairs. She was received by shadows. Candles were attached to the sides and concealed the place in a spooky gleam.
She wiped her moist hands dry with her clothes and stepped to the post on which he was bounded. Her heart beat so heavy in her chest it hurt. For a moment she glanced over her shoulder, to the hatchway that was still opened. She could still go back. She could wait until he was sober...
She couldn't do it. She couldn't wait any longer, knowing that he was only a few steps away from her. Her eyes flashed to the women who sat in a corner. They weren't bound, like Thorin was, nor did they scream so violently. They seemed to feel ashamed of their king, who shouted in Khuzdul continuously. 
She opened her mouth to call his name, but she only produced a nervous sound. Almost four years had passed since she had seen and embraced him. Four years ago since he had told her he couldn't live without her - and Alyssae realized he had been right. 
Two steps away from him she stood still. He stared glassy at her, as if he had no idea who she was. He had squeezed his eyes, like he had to get used to the light. 
A lump appeared in her throat when she saw him. He looked a hundred years older than she remembered. His eyes laid deep in their orbits and his brilliant, blue eyes had a pale glance now. Dark circles gave her the idea that he hadn't slept for a night since she had left. His nose was red, caused by the alcohol. His beard was longer than it had ever been and his dark hair hung unkempt over his shoulders. Here and there she saw some grey strings that hadn't been there before. 
"You look terrible," she uttered staggered. The smell of alcohol was so sharp it prevented her from coming closer.
Alyssae had known him as a man without a home. A wanderer, depending on the goodness of others. He had however acted as a king: proud and strong. In the meantime he could finally call himself a king, but it looked like he didn't care anymore. As if his kingship had made a homeless man of him. 
 "Who the hell are you?"
"You know  damn well who I am."
She took a deep breath and bend down in front of him. For a long time Thorin stared at her. It felt like he looked straight through her, as if she was a ghost. She intensely searched for words and just when she wanted to touch his face, he started to roar with laughter. 
"It's really you, huh?" He chuckled. "Oh, this is such a good joke. Such a terrific joke."
The tears ran down his cheeks and Alyssae shrunk. In the past she had loved to see him laughing, but not in this way...
It had been hard to imagine their reunion. She had expected that he would scream or perhaps even cry, but that he was ridiculing her now confused her completely.
"You kidnapped me, didn't you?" he laughed. "And those stupid bitches even helped you? Nothing is as deceitful as a woman, hmm?"
"I suppose we are the only ones who really care about you," she cast back. She knew he wasn't open to reason at the moment. He was drunk. Her emotions however were barely controllable as well. She had feared this moment, but she surely had looked forward to it as well. And now she regretted. 
"What are you doing here?" he asked, looking up to her.
"I wanted to see you," she answered. There were so  many things she wanted to add to those words, for example that she had always wanted to do so, but that one of his friends had burned her letters. She however knew this was not the right moment. "And I was hoping you wanted to see me too."
He sniffed, but started to grin soon. "I rather see you without clothes."
Her cheeks felt hot. She remembered Kíli's words. "You have someone else now, haven't you?"
She looked over her shoulder, to the two woman who had came with him. Without a doubt one of them was a soldier, but the other was not. Both watched them alertly. They had even came a little closer.
"Yeah," Thorin answered. "Nobody fucked better than she did. Whatever you were doing felt like shit."

Something inside broke. What had made him so... hateful? She wanted to turn around, but the disdainful smile around his lips had caught her eyes. 
"Then why were you always groaning her name?" a sudden voice sounded behind them. Thorin looked aside. "Even after three years you're still doing it.'
Alyssae watched the woman. Although her words had sounded firm, she looked broken. Alyssae's heart was pounding in her throat. Was that true? After three years?
She glanced at Thorin again, but he had turned his head away and was clattering his chains wildly, calling her a cunt and a whore.