Don't Fight It.

Chapter Sixty-Six

Chapter 66:

They arrived in Boston and thankfully Paul trusted them to room together. They left Kona with some close friends back in Portland since they couldn't take him.

"Hey, Lex, can you begin unpacking while I go and get us some snacks?" Tobin asked.

Alex playfully rolled her eyes, "You just don't want to unpack your stuff."

"Maybe," she smirked, giving Alex a quick peck on the lips, "thanks love ya. Be back soon."

Unpacking her own stuff first, Alex then moved onto Tobin's which thankfully wasn't much. After all her clothes were away, she checked all the pockets to make sure she got everything out that Tobin needed. It was then when she stumbled upon a small leather book that at first, she thought was her bible but quickly realized that she already put that on the nightstand.

Curious, Alex flipped it open to the front page that read, "Tobin's journal."

Alex didn't know Tobin kept a journal nor has she ever seen her write in it. She knew she shouldn't read but again Tobin never shared her thoughts.

Sitting on the bed, she began to flip through the pages. The first entry was dated July 8, 2009 and Alex automatically recognized the date, it was her first call up where she roomed with Tobin.

July 8, 2009

I just bought this journal a few hours ago. I'm not even sure why I did because I've never kept one before in my life but I think it's because of the new girl on the team. I don't know much about her but I do know that we are going to be good friends. Let's hope she feels the same way.

Alex smiled at Tobin's words and picked a new page to read.

April 24, 2010

I don't know what I did to deserve this, God. I'm still in shock and disbelief I think. Major ankle injury. The words ring through my mind constantly since the minute the trainer told me. Surgery is coming up, 6-8 month recovery. All I know is I better be healthy by the time the World Cup arrives. Another downside is I can't see Alex. It's been almost a year since we initially met and we've grown close but sadly I won't be at any camps for awhile.

Thinking back to that year, Alex remembers reading about Tobin's injury that she received in the WPS online. She was heartbroken for her friend because she knew soccer was Tobin's life and she was going to miss having her at the camps. She picked another page.

May 8, 2011

The World Cup roster was just announce. I don't know if I'm so happy because I made the roster or because Alex did too! I can't wait to call Alex later today and see how excited she is  because it's her first big tournament for the senior NT team. I really enjoy having her around and hopefully she thinks the same thing. We are really becoming best friends, I think Lauren and Amy are getting jealous of how much time we spend together during camps. I only thing I don't like is her boyfriend, I just get a weird feeling from him. Oh well if she's happy, I'm happy.

That last sentence made Alex tear up a little bit because she never knew that Tobin didn't like Servando from the start. No one wonder Tobin never seemed interested when she was telling her about him.

July 18, 2011

It was a rough night...for everyone. Losing the World Cup final takes a tool on you especially when you lose in a PK shootout. Alex was a wreck, she slept with me last night because she didn't want to be alone. The night was awful, Alex cried into my chest the entire night. I couldn't stand to see her this sad so I was there for her. I haven't cried much because I've wanted to stay strong for her. She's my best friend, I'll do anything to make her happy after yesterday's heartbreaking finish.

Alex flipped to the end of the journal and found a particularly long entry but then she saw the date and complete understood why it was so long.

March 17, 2014

I don't even know how to write this. I'm honestly scared to write what I'm thinking right now. We just got back from the algarve cup but immediately had a camp to attend so I'm in a hotel right now. Alex is asleep next to me, red eyed with tear stained cheeks. No more than a day after we get back from Portugal, Alex's old roommate called her and confessed. She confessed such an ugly sin. I was out getting our morning coffees like usual and when I opened our room, Alex's phone was shattered on the floor and she sat motionless with tears running down her cheeks. I panicked, I had know idea what was wrong, I dropped the coffees onto the floor and immediately was by her side, cradling her against my chest. I asked what happen but she wasn't replying. I began to cry, because my best friend, the girl I loved for a couple of months now, was not talking to her. And yes I said I loved her cause I do. I have since the beginning of the Algarve Cup but I haven't told anyone because she had a committed relationship with a guy she loved. But anyways I held her for what seemed like hours, she didn't say a word to me all she did was cry. And I was crying with her. I asked again what was wrong and with a cracked voice she finally replied. My heart broke for her when I heard the answer. I pulled her tighter to me and placed a kissed on top of her head. I told her that she is the best most amazing person someone could have and she could and would do better. I promised I wouldn't leave her, I promised that I would always be her best friend because even though I am in love with her, I won't be telling her this until she makes a move first especially know that she just got her heartbroken. My blood boils and all I want to do is fly to  Houston and personally yell at Servando. How dare he! Someone tell me why the fuck he would cheat on a girl like Alex. She's amazing, beautiful, caring, intelligent, everything you could want in life! Even worse it was with her college roommate. Disgusting. Just disgusting. I think Alex is waking, I'm gonna stay by her side until her heart is completely healed.

"I see you finally found that," Tobin said startling Alex, making her drop the book.

"Tobin, I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been reading that, it's your personal journal."

She gave a small laugh, "It's fine, Lex. I've actually wanted to show you it for some time now but I didn't know how to."

"I didn't even know you kept a journal, how come I've never seen you write in it?"

"Well I haven't actually written in it since we began dating," Tobin said shyly, "I just bring it to read for comfort sometimes."

Alex was confused, "Why don't you write anymore?"

"Because I used it to write about you and how much I wanted to tell you that I liked you but after we started dating I saw no point of keeping one any longer. Didn't you read the first page? I bought this just to write about you and that's when I barely knew who you were. Did you read the last entry?"

"No?" Alex questioned and Tobin gestured for the book so Alex gave it to her. 

"March 22, 2015," she began reading aloud, "We are starting the send off games for the World Cup but honestly I'm not that nervous. I'm more nervous about a certain brunette. I can't stop thinking about her, I want to be with her every minute of the day, every time we touch it's like an electric shock. Everyone says we have a thing but neither of us have made a move. It's like we are dancing around our feelings. I don't know if Alex likes me the way I like her but damn my feelings are getting stronger and pretty soon they will ruin our friendship I fear. Cheney wants me to tell her and maybe I will. If we are truly best friends, she won't run...well I hope. I love Alex so much and I can't imagine not having her in my life. Maybe I'll tell her tomorrow, just blurt it out, maybe I'll do some big gesture, maybe I won't tell her until after the World Cup. I don't know but I do know is that I have to tell her soon or I'm gonna lose her again to some guy that doesn't deserve her."

Again, Alex felt tears drip down her cheeks.

"That's the last thing I wrote. I was going to tell you or planned to I guess but five days later you actually told me your feelings first. But now you know what my first impression of you was."

"You knew Servando wasn't meant for me right away," Alex whispered "You wrote that you didn't like him for some reason but you didn't know why. Why didn't you ever tell me you didn't like him right away?"

"Because," Tobin smiled moving to sit next to her and placed the journal make in her suitcase, "you were happy and I didn't want to ruin that."

Alex pulled Tobin to you, giving her a searing kiss, "I love you."