Undefined Love

Chapter 57: Devastation Follows

Ray'vn

I couldn't sleep. The past couple hours after dinner have been troublesome.

My mind scrambled. Plus, I wasn't really very comfortable in the couch.

I felt drained and was desperately in need of some sleep. I had refused to sleep in Chris' room again, but by the looks of it, I had no choice at this point.

I took my pillow and blanket then slowly crept up the steps.

"Where're you going?" I turned quickly.

"Shawn! You scared me," I whispered. "Sorry. What are you doing?" "I was going back in Chris' room. It was uncomfortable sleeping on the couch." "You can take my room. I'll sleep downstairs." "Shawn-" "It's okay Ray'vn. I'm good." He walked in the room for a few seconds then returned. He nodded then made his way down the steps.

I felt bad because I didn't want him to do that. It's already set and done, so I just have to deal with it.

I'd been laying in the bed for nearly an hour. I'd finally started to fall asleep when I felt someone climb in behind me, their hand circling my body, and their head snugged in my neck.

I moved away from him.

He moved in again.

I slid off the bed onto the floor. I heard him sigh. "Ray'vn?" I ignored him. "Ray'vn." "What Chris," I yelled trying not to shout too loud. "Are you seriously gonna continue acting this way over something so stupid?" I stood up and stared at him.

"Something stupid? How is that stupid Chris? Enlighten me, please."

He shifted to the edge of the bed. He took hold of my hands. I tried pulling away, but he held on.

"Why didn't you want to have sex with me last night?"

He held his head down, not trying to keep eye contact. I raised his head. "Tell me." "I didn't because I promised Jeremy I wouldn't." "What does Jeremy have to do with anything?" "He knew that if we did it, it would've been a mistake." I can't even believe that I'm honestly hearing this right now. I didn't even bother to get the blanket and pillow I was using, I just walked to the door. Chris appeared before me. He closed the lock then pressed me against the wall. "You're really fucking stubborn, you know that?" "Says one to know one."

He took a deep breath. I felt his hands fidgeting around my wrists. The pressure kept changing.

It made me nervous.

"You wanna know the main reason why I didn't have sex with you last night Ray'vn? I didn't do it because I missed you. I hadn't seen you in a little while and I just wanted to spend time with you. No sex, just time and memories. It just really hurt to know that we have to keep hiding and running just so we can stay together. I wanted this time to not think about that or the fact that we're on someone's hit list. I just wanted you, us. Was that too much to ask for?"

I didn't say anything. I had nothing to say. I hadn't thought of Chris and his feelings about last night because I was too caught up in worrying about me.

"Nothing to say, right?" I looked away. "I thought so."

He let me go then shook his head. He laid on the bed, his forearms over his face.

I walked over rhen climbed on the bed, straddling his waist. His moved his arms from his face and opened his eyes. I instantly laid my head on his chest, holding him tight. He wrapped his arms around me as well.

"I'm sorry."

At my words, he combed through my hair with his hands. He raised my chin and kissed my forehead. "I love you," he said. "I love you too." I laid my head back on his chest.

I pressed the info button on the TV remote. It was two in the morning.

Now that my mind was more relaxed, it was easier for me to fall asleep.

[ 3:12am ]

Zzp. Zzp. Zzp.

I awoke from my sleep at the sound of my phone vibrating.

When I opened my eyes, Chris was nowhere to be found. Then I saw the door open, so I figured he must have went to the bathroom.

I picked up my phone and saw Ray's picture. I immediately sat up. "Hello," I said answering the call. Ray didn't say anything, but he was breathing extremely hard. "Ray, talk to me. What's wrong?" He sniffled. "Ray, you're scaring me. Answer me."

"I-I-I can't take it anymore Ray'vn. I-I can't have you. You won't tell me anything. I-I can't help you. I can't be with you. I c-can't see you. I can't hold you. I-"

A sudden thud came grom his background.

"Ray." He said nothing. All I heard was him struggling to breath and him scream."Ray! Are you okay?!" At that moment, Chris walked in from the bathroom and locked the door. I put my finger to my lips so he'd be quiet. "Ray!" "I cut m-myself." "Oh my god," I stood up. "R-Ray where are you?!" "I-I'm," he took a deep breath. "In my room." His voice hushed.

My heart raced.

I told Chris to give me his phone then put Ray on speaker.

I used Chris' phone to call Ray's Dad. I called four times and he didn't answer. I called Devon and got nothing!

"Ray! Ray! Are you still there?!" I heard him breathing so that was the good thing.

I called Rico twice; nothing. "What the fuck! Can people fucking answer me!" I was just about ready to explode! I called Rico one last time and he finally answered. "Ray'vn, it's three in the morning. What's wrong?"

"Rico! You have to go check on Ray! H-He called me out of nowhere crying and- he-he cut himself! Please go check on him!"

I heard him get up, running around.

"Ray! Ray," he called. "Did you find him?!" "No! Where'd he say he was?!" "He said he was in his room!" "He's not in his room!"

"Ray," I continued to call on my line.

Chris sat holding me. Rico ran around the house waking everyone up. "Rico you guys have to hurry up!"

I waited.

"Ray'vn we-we can't find him." "Rico, how-" "I think we found him!" "Hold on."

"Ray," I heard then calling in the background.

"The door's locked!"

I tried my best to stay calm. No one could be used to explain how I was feeling this moment.

I put the call on speaker. The banging of the guys trying to break down the door was terrifying.

"Do you have something we can use to break the lock," Ray's Dad yelled. "I'll be right back," I heard Devon say.

By now, I was way past terrified. It's been nearly twenty minutes since Ray first called me and they still can't get to him yet.

A few seconds later, I heard banging again.

"We got it-" Keshia's screeching scream in the background made me sick. "Rico... what's going on?" He didn't answer me. "Rico!"

"Ray'vn, I'll call you back." "Rico don't-" The call went dead.

I was so upset, I threw Chris' phone to the floor. He pulled me in, and I just cried.

Nothing good ever follows me.

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