Undefined Love

Chapter 59: Advantage

Ray'vn

Warmth.

After the series of events in today's early morning hours, the zen of warm water was exactly what I needed to officially start the day.

The brief clarity I received was indescribable.

I was able to free my mind of all I didn't want to remember. I still had goose bumps from my time with Chris. I don't know what was wrong with me.

One minute I'm mesmerized and enjoying every waking moment that I spend with Chris, well when he's not angry and aggressive, then the next I'm lost. There's no doubt in my mind that last night wasn't one of the best night's we've had in a long time, minus the fighting. Though, there was also a part of me that felt guilty about what happened with Chris last night.

I don't want to feel that way, but either way I still do, and I needed to talk to Chris.

"Why the fuck did you still do it," I heard as soon as I walked through the door frame to the kitchen.

There was nobody in the kitchen but Jeremy. Out the back door, Chris and Shawn were standing there arguing.

"What's going on," I asked J. "He heard you two this morning."

I said nothing. I stared at J hoping he'd say Chris was in trouble for something else.

He didn't.

Chris

"I've been trying to be nice, really trying, but in return I have to be laying in the fucking couch listening to you two arguing then when I go upstairs you're having sex on the bed I have to sleep on?!"

"I said I was sorry!" "Cut your bullshit... now."

"The first chance you get for some pussy, you have to take it right?" "It wasn't even like that." "Then what was it like?" I didn't answer him.

"That's exactly what I thought." "Why is it such an issue? It's not like-" He faked a punch at me. I stumbled back. "Are you paying the bills for this place? You doing shit for this?! You better be lucky I'm helping your ass. I could've made Nino's people kill you long time ago."

"Then why didn't you?" Dad smiled.

"It's not like you really give a shit about me. All this? All this running and hiding shit? You're doing it for you. Not for me. You're too scared to get caught cause you don't wanna be locked up. You don't wanna go back. You saw some shit like this coming! You just wanted it to be anyone but you! I never wanted none of this! No part of it! I'm only here cause you needed business. Mom and GiGi ain't mean a thing after the life of the money got to you. So tell me Dad... I'm not doing shit for you and your luxuries, and I'm so disrespectful for fucking in your bed, but where do I come in all this? Where-"

"Say one more thing Chris and it's the end of you."

"That a threat Dad? Go ahead. End me. It really won't matter cause I'm not sorry about last night. As much as I didn't want to do it with Ray'vn, I loved every second of it. I knew it'd come down to this. This is exactly why I told her I didn't want to, but if I gotta take another beating for her? Then I'm gonna do it. What? You mad cause you not getting no-"

His fist connected with my jaw almost immediately.

He landed three more shots to my body: two to my face, the other to my stomach.

He stood over me, cursing up a storm.

I sat straight, hacking up blood.

After he left me sitting there, it wasn't long before the tears began.

Ray'vn

I walked through the kitchen getting Chris a glass of water.

I turned away from the fridge. Jeremy stood in front of me. I stood there frozen for a couple seconds before he took the glass from my hand, walking toward the door. I followed behind. He turned, giving me a deafening stare. It was impossible for me to hold eye contact.

I rerouted my steps to go make myself something to eat.

Eventually when Jeremy got Chris up and going again, Chris remained outside, Jeremy came in.

"Let's go," he said walking past me.

I rose.

"Where are we going?"

He turned to me. It was like seeing death in his eyes. "Stop looking at me like that. It's scaring me." As if on cue to my words, it was as if they had only made his stare more deadly.

He sat in the living room.

I definitely wasn't gonna sit next to him, but I had no choice but to.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Don't play that innocent shit with me." I kept my mouth shut. "What the hell is your problem? You don't see the mess that you're in? How long is it gonna be before you stop making the same mistakes then try to take it back or play stupid?"

"I'm not-"

"That's what I'm talking about! There you go! Whatever pain or heartache you feeling right now, ain't no one to blame for it but yourself!"

"Why are you coming at me like this?"

"Because you're fucking stupid!"

He stood up and took a deep breath.

His words hurt but I kept my composure.

"I'm tired of your bullshit Ray'vn. You're constantly complaining, sad and upset that everyone is taking advantage of you. You don't see what you did?!"

"J, I-" "Let me guess, you didn't or you're not taking advantage of anyone, are you?"

He laughed.

"This is the type of shit I'm talking about! You're smarter than this Ray'vn! Start acting like it!"

"I didn't do anything!"

"I don't even know why I tried. This is fucking pointless," he said walking away.

"Maybe you should mind your business next time," I mumbled to myself.

"Excuse me," J said turning and walking back toward me. "Say that one more time?"

Silence.

"Let me tell you something," he said getting in my face. "As long as I'm your brother, blood or not, and as long as I'm around, remember that you are my fucking business. Get that through your head since nothing else seems to stick."

He left me sitting in the couch, speechless.