Undefined Love

Chapter 47: Guilt Trip

Ray                         Oct. 5

Since the moment I got home from school, I've been outside in the backyard. 

I'm still not used to living here and I don't think I ever will be.

Have you ever seen a regular kid like me living in a decent four bedroom house in Atlanta to a six bedroom mansion in the hills? I still don't find this to be real at all.

"Ray. You ate anything," Rico asked when he came back outside.

"Nah. I'm not hungry."

He sat next to me in a chair, munching on a sandwich. I half laughed. This kid will never change...

"How's your hand," I asked him when I turned around. "It's straight. I'm used to this type of stuff man." He took another bite of his sandwich. "Your face still not looking too good. How's your mouth?"

I shrugged.

"I'll be fine I guess."

I looked behind me back at the sun setting. Only thing that's been on my mind was Ray'vn.

Ray'vn. Ray'vn. Ray'vn. Everything Ray'vn.

I don't even know what the hell I'm doing anymore. I don't know if I don't know how I feel or if I know but don't know how to describe it.

My mind is messed up.

"Rico..." "What's up?"

"You think I was wrong for talking to Ray'vn how I did last night?" He stopped to think. "I'm gonna be honest with you Ray... you were. But I know you only said that stuff because you were mad. I know you ain't mean none of what you said. Not any of it." "How?"

He stood up. "Look at it this way... How long it's been since you saw Ray'vn acting funny and knew something had to be wrong?"

"Since sometime in July." "Exactly."

"This whole time you stuck around tryna help her get through this because you love her. You loved Ray'vn ever since you was twelve man. Trust me I know cause of your sappy ass calling me all the damn time talking about her."

We laughed about it together. 

"What I'm saying is, it's been almost five years since you saw your heart in Ray'vn. In ha' time of need, she pushing you away but look at you," he said slapping my chest with the back of his hand. "You still tied together with her."

"Not to mention," a voice came from the door outta nowhere.

It was Rico Dad, Zane.

"You still ain't give up fighting for her. You gonna be with her until the day she finally realize for sure where it needs to be. Even though you got some hints and know some of what's been going on, you never gonna fully know the details until she come to you and open up about it."

I smiled. Rico gave his Dad a hug and Zane did the same with me.

"You think she gonna want to talk to me after last night?"

"Of course she not Ray," Rico said. "But eventually she gonna come around. How many fights ya'll had about nearly the same thing then start talking again? Don't stress it. You were wrong. Ain't nobody giving you the right, but she gonna end up forgiving you regardless."

I shook my head.

I stared at the floor, losing myself in my thoughts. Zane put his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him. He was smiling. "I know Ray'vn just as much as I know you, you two will get through."