Undefined Love

Chapter 1: My Life Story

Ray'vn

"I love you princess. Daddy will never leave you. I'll always be there for you."

Those are the exact words my father would tell me every night before I went to sleep since I was little.

Now those words don't mean a thing.

My parents divorced 3 years ago. My life was hell after they seperated. I never got a call or anything from my Dad. He had lost everything and my Mom got it all. I'm not saying we were rich, but everything from the house to the car.

About a year after the divorce, Mom stopped caring about a lot of things, especially about me.

She started going out to parties more, drinking, coming in late, and the one thing I hate the most-- bringing a different guy around for me to meet.

She used to do whatever it took for me to stay happy. She'd make sure I had food to eat, clothes on my back, and that bills were paid. I loved that she would always be there to support me in the good things that I did.

Sooner or later, all that changed. I basically have to provide for myself now. I feel neglected.

Nowadays when I even try to talk to her, she pushes me away because she's too busy tending to her boyfriend.

I cry myself to sleep and pray every night, just hoping things would get better, but there are times I don't even think it makes sense to because it never does.

Being an only child, most of the time I feel alone. The only person who I know cares about me is my friend Ray. I know I can depend on him when times get rough. When I can't deal with it, his room is right next door.

Our rooms are right next to each other. There's a small roof outside my window that kind of connects to his, so whenever something goes wrong, I climb over and knock on his window. At least with him, I feel loved by someone.
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As my foot touches the step at the bottom of the staircase, it was no surprise to see that the living room was a mess.

Liquor bottles were all over the floor. Chips bags were on the table. Crumbs were everywhere with a bunch of dirty dishes lying around.

This is ridiculous. I tried my best to fix up the room the best that I could.

By the time I looked at the clock, I had to leave for school. I didn't have anything for dinner and had no time for breakfast, so I had to leave hungry again. Ray had already left for school because his Mom's car wasn't in the driveway.

I take my lonely stroll down the street, heading to school.
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I went to my locker first thing to get my books for class. I felt someone walk up beside me. I look up and see that it was Chris, my ex.

Why won't he leave me alone?!

I met Chris when I was 13. We were in all the same classes together and when ever we'd hang out something clicked. Things between us happened pretty fast. Within about two months of being with each other, we started dating.

Besides Ray being there for me at the time of my parents misfortune, Chris was one of the main people I wanted around. It was easy for him to put a smile on my face. He'd wrap me in his arms and I'd get this feeling in my stomach, kind of like butterflies.

I felt like it might've been something more. Things moved pretty fast between us. After four months, I could've swore I was in love.

It was hard to deal with my Mom at home and Chris all at the same time. I eventually had reached my breaking point. I couldn't think anymore. I didn't know what to do, where to go, or who to go to. My mind was messed up!

With me feeling there was a lot resting on my shoulders, I went to Chris' house one day with the intention of just cuddling and being away from all the madness, but it had turned into something different.

To this day, I'm still not sure if I regret it or not. I do know that I feel stupid. I lost it to him. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what to expect.

Another thing I do know is that, it was one of the most painful and scariest moments of my life! Weeks later, things started becoming wierd between us. Then then that one day came.

One night, Chris was mad from an argument with his Dad. I tried calming him down, but it didn't work. Instead, he turned the situation around, putting the blame on me. Then he hit me. It wasn't until after it was over that he realized what happened.

I may have been blind, but since that happened I wasn't gonna stick around for it to happen again. So I left him. Now, he keeps trying to come back and I don't wanna hear it.

"Chris can you leave me alone?! We're done! What about that can't you understand?" "Ray'vn I'm sorry! How many times do I have to say it? I'll never hurt you like that again. Just give me a chance, please?!"

I ignore him and continue getting stuff out my locker. He slammed the door shut making me back up with a scared look on my face. "Ray'vn please?" "Is everything okay Ray'vn?"

I look behind me and there goes Ray.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Me and Chris were just talking." I look at my feet. I could feel the both of them staring each other down. "I'll see you later Ray'vn." Chris disappears down the hall.

Ray picks up my bag and gives me a hug. "He didn't hurt you, right?" "No. I'm okay. I'm glad you're here," I reply smiling. We slowly walk to our next class. "How are things at home?" "Alright, I guess? Still the same; are they ever gonna be any different?"

My last words left a moment of silence.
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When I reach home, I head straight to my room and do my homework. After, I go back down and clean up. The minute I finished, Mom & her boyfriend, Devon, walk in the door.

I hate him.

There's something about him that turns me off, especially the way he looks at me, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

"You should always keep the house looking like this. At least your useful for something."

"Me? You're the one who messes it up all the time. Why don't you clean it?" She turns to me and throws her shoe to hit me. I ducked and it knocked over the lamp. "Watch the way you talk to me! This is my house and I'm not gonna let you disrespect me!"

I walk past her and go into the kitchen to make something to eat. There was nothing here, so I made the last box of macaroni we had in the cupboard. Then I got some koolaid out the fridge.

When I walk back in the room to go upstairs, the last thing I wanted to see was those two kissing wildly on the couch. "What are you staring at? Don't you see adults down here? Go to your room," Devon barked.

I gladly leave. While I was watching tv, I hear banging and yelling. They're arguing again. I'm not dealing with this tonight.

I close the lock on my door and go out my window. I knock on Ray's window and he moves the curtain.

A smile spread across his face when he sees that it's me. He opened up the window and I climbed inside. As usual, we lay together in his bed watching movies. I lay my head on his chest and hug his Domo teddy bear until we both slowly drift off to sleep.