I cannot pretend I am without fear. But my predominant feeling is one of gratitude. I have loved and been loved; I have been given much and I have given something in return.
It was early evening of Sunday by the time they got back to the Manila. Seated at the back of the van together, Maine was dozing off on Richard's shoulder, with his arm hugging her close. They were a short distance away from White Cross when Richard gently woke her up. He kissed her temple and helped straighten her shirt and fix her hair. He gave her an envelope, but stopped her from reading its contents.
"Later," He said, and tucked it into the pocket of her hoodie. She smiled and kissed his cheek. Richard smiled back, leaning over to kiss her.
He stopped midway, his eyes tightly shut, his hand suddenly clutching the right side of his head. Richard suddenly gasped and went into a series of seizures, his back arched, his chest heaving forward. Only the whites of his eyes were showing, his mouth drooling, his fingertips slowly turning blue. Maine quickly made room in the seat for him to lie down. She took out her handkerchief, folding it till it was small enough to put in his mouth, to avoid getting his tongue cut by his gnashing teeth.
The van changed directions and proceeded to the hospital, counterflowing its way through the road that was not too filled with vehicles. Time seemed to move so slowly, it seemed like the hospital was too far. Maine was checking his vital signs, noting that his pulse was erratic. Although the seizures have finally subsided, Richard lost consciousness and seemed to have trouble breathing.
They finally arrived at the hospital. Maine quickly gathered a team that wheeled Richard to the emergency room. She gave a report to the doctor in charge, amidst tears falling, her voice breaking, she was able to give a background on Richard's head injury a few months ago, and his rehab program.
Richard Sr. looked helplessly at his unconscious son, holding his hand while trying not to break down. Richard was now breathing evenly with an oxygen mask, his pulse rate within the normal range, but still unconscious. Blood samples were taken, a schedule was also set for an MRI. Richard's neurologist and Dr. Sanchez were already informed of his collapse, both doctors were on their way to the hospital now.
Maine excused herself from Richard's dad and went to the chapel to pray. She was not particularly religious, her work predisposed her towards missing Sunday mass and other religious obligations. There were times when she was so tired she'd fall asleep seconds after lying on her bed, with no time to meditate on her day or say a short prayer before sleeping.
Kneeling on one of the pews, she prays fervently for the first time in years, for Richard's complete recovery, knowing that the odds were against it. Everything was working so well for him, she was so sure he would one day be back to his normal self. The fear of losing him was making her selfish, she prayed for him to live because she didn't want to lose him.
It was cold in the chapel. She tucked both hands into the pockets of her hoodie and remembered the envelope he gave her. With hands that shook, she opened the envelope.
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Maine,
How are you, doc? It feels weird calling you that because in my mind and heart, you will always be just Maine. I want to talk to you about so many things, but the words don't come out when I want them to. In another place and time, I would have wanted to get to know you in different circumstances, where we could do normal things couples do, instead of me wasting time, learning all the things I used to know all over again.
You're probably thinking: Couple agad? Di ba pwedeng friends muna?
If there's one thing I learned after my accident, it's that life is too short to get to do all the things we want, be with the people we like. In an instant, as I was in that car, trying to go after Rhiann as shetried to leave me, I carelessly lost everything I had. I lost an opportunity to represent the Philippines in Rio, I lost memories of my life before, and I lost the girl I thought I loved, all because of a stupid fight that I cannot even remember.
But I don't regret anything, because the accident led me to you.
Maine, I cannot thank you enough for helping me get back on my feet, one day at a time. My memories come in trickles, but slowly, I am remembering things. Through this journey with you, I got to know a woman who, like me, was looking for a real friend. All those one-way conversations you had with me were a blessing. Thank you for the patience, for sharing bits about yourself, for believing in me. Thank you for restoring my faith in love.
Alam mo, ilang weeks ko na 'to sinusulat, I write something every night, thinking of you. it's my way of communicating with you, reciprocating every little thing you've shared with me. I've also realized I want more than just friendship with you.
Mahal kita, Maine.
I know you'll doubt me and imagine it's more gratitude that I feel, but it's not. Physically, I am the weak one, but one day, I will be strong enough to take care of you. I will give you the caring you deserve. I will make you feel so loved you'll never feel inadequate again. I will give you everything I have.
I'm putting my heart in your hands, risking everything, because I know you can have any normal guy you want. Pero sana, you also see what I see. I like to believe my accident brought us together for a reason. And if only for that, I'm glad it happened.
Smile for me, Maine. We have the rest of our lives to be happy together.
Love, RJ
