He woke up the next day eagerly searching for the reason behind his ridiculous smile. Last night, by far, had been the best night of his life.He tried to feel the space next to him and his hands trailed from head to toe, but.
There was nobody there. The sheets were cold.
He shot up, looked around, and there was no sign of her anywhere. He tried to calm himself down, thinking perhaps she just woke up too early and decided to go for breakfast. He got up, put on some clothes and went to the bathroom. His heart dropped when he realized her things weren't there. He went out and looked for any trace of her in the room, but he found nothing.
"Dei?" he called out, his tears now involuntarily making a mess out of the perfectly happy exterior he had on less than five minutes ago.
He went out to the lobby and looked for her, she wasn't there either. He walked the streets absent mindedly hoping she would pop up out of nowhere, but he was damn unlucky. He called and called, her phone was off and he was terrified. For her life, for his sanity. He went back to the hotel after unsuccessful attempts of looking for her and a man greeted him as he stood before the door of their room.
"Mr. Faulkerson?"
"Yes?"
"Here's a letter for you from Ms. Mendoza."
He shakily took the piece of parchment, unable to fathom what could have possibly gone wrong. He went inside, sat down on the ground, his chest unnervingly heaving from his crying. He opened the envelope, and saw a computerized letter dated a week before their trip.
"My dearest RJ,
First of all, I want to tell you I'm sorry. I know that isn't the best way to start but before I go on, please, I want you to calm down. I know you're probably confused, but please allow me to explain. If only I had the courage to tell you this personally, I would have. But if you do not know by now, I am a big, fat, fucking coward. I tried, believe me I tried to be strong for you. But everytime I hear you running towards me, I falter. Everytime I sense you acting on things I haven't even asked you to do, my heart crumbles to the ground. You are so young and so full of promise, and I cannot forgive myself for holding you back from all the things you can do. You have a family to take care of, I will only be a bigger burden. I refuse to let you carry my weight for me, you already have too much of that as we speak. I love you too much RJ, and my guilt is swallowing me whole. What if you died because of me? How would I live on? How could I face your family who absolutely adores you? I simply cannot risk the chance of that happening again. I just can't. The world is a better place with you in it. I'm but a small speck of dust compared to your beacon of hope. I do, however, thank you for everything you have opened my eyes to. For the love and the happiness you have brought in a life that was all but dark shadows and misery. You gave me a purpose, a reason to wake up and look forward to the next day. My everything amidst the nothingness. And even as I blindly walked through life, you held my hand and guided me through. I will never, ever forget that. I owe my life to you. But you deserve so much more than the kind of future I could give. I will be in peace at the thought of you being with someone who is capable of loving you completely, a woman who could give you her all, not someone broken and incomplete like me. I love you, forever, and always.
Yours,
Dei."
He crouched on the ground whimpering, his strength failing like small embers to what once was a magnificent rage of fire. He looked at the table and he noticed she left her camera, her laptop, and an envelope which he soon found out contained money, a cheque, and an airplane ticket for tomorrow. So she had planned this all along, all the itineraries they set up with Paolo were all made up. As angry and completely devastated as he was, he could not bring himself to hate her. He, after all of this agony, understood. Just as she knew he would.
