Please don't come closer. Maine whispered, her voice still trembling. The sobbing had subsided but she's still struggling to catch her breath. Her cheeks are stained with dry tears and her nose is stuffed. She remains coiled up in the corner, her knees brought up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. She rocks back and forth; her mind is racing, and her heart is aching.
Her father tries to come closer and she can feel the tears coming back. She whimpers in despair and she brings her hands to her hair, tugging and pulling at the roots. She hits her head with the palm of her hand continuously and then hard against the stone wall because the pain isn't nearly as much as he endured.
Nicomaine, stop, please. I have something for you. They found this in his pocket, her father begs but places the object on the floor beside her anyways, before exiting the room.
It's a letter.
The edges are folding and it's stained with dry blood that was carelessly smeared. For a brief second, her heart stops. Maine harshly wipes the tears from her cheek and her neck with the back of her hand. She takes a deep breath before slowly reaching for the letter. The paper crunches between her fingers and the tears are endlessly coming now. She can feel him through the folded pages.
She flips the paper around and there is a box drawn in the corner. An arrow points towards it and scribbled in his careless handwriting reads Kiss here (i know it's weird but just do it because i did it. damayan lang). And she could hear his laughter as he wrote those words.
She closes her eyes and envisions him sat on his bed with his legs crossed under him while his back is hunched over the papers, pencil in hand. In her mind, his dimples are evident as he smirks (he always marveled at how clever he could be) and for a moment, Maine smiles. She doesn't want to open her eyes; afraid that once she does, she will no longer see him in front of her.
Maine shakes her head, because of course she'd still see him. Just not in that state. Not when he is smiling and chuckling and shaking his head because he thinks his jokes are the best thing in the world (aside from her, of course). No. She'll see him in his second most peaceful state; in his sleep. And Maine can taste the salt on her quivering lips.
She keeps her eyes closed and wipes her tears with her hands, but in her mind she sees him doing so. Maybe she's gone insane, but she touches her lips like how he used to. She hugs her body like he used to. Maine brings her hand to her neck, trying to find the necklace he gave her all those months ago. And his voice echoes in her head as she recalls the memory:
Here. He told her. Wear this.
What is it? She asked him, taking the object in her hand.
A necklace, what else? He asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She hits him upside the head and lets out an unamused laugh.
I know, dumbass! I mean the pendant. What are they? Maine takes the two simple pendants between her finger and rubs her thumb across the surfaces.
This one, RJ points, is a St. Benedict medallion. So you'll always be safe. This one's just weird, I can take it off if you want. RJ blushed, scratching the back of his neck. Maine smiled and urge him to continue.
It's just something my mom wanted made. Before she died, we got her fingerprint on a small pendant so we could have her with us at all times, you know? So we all ended up getting our own pendant. This one, right here, has my fingerprint on it. Richard explained. Maine's heart swells with joy and all she could do was smile and hug him.
Maine finally opens her eyes after rubbing her thumb across his fingerprint. The warmth leaves her stomach and she feels empty once again. Because he is not there. He will never be there again. She will never give his warm, inviting body another hug. She will never hold his hand that perfectly fits between hers. She will never hear his laugh and his voice. And she just can't stop herself from screaming because why was life so fucking cruel?
