"Nicomaine, anak. Gising na."
"Ma, what the hell?"
She blared at her mom who pulled the duvet, making her shiver in the sudden rush of cold air.
"You are not spending today all cooped up in this house."
"Ano ba inaantok pa ko eh."
"It's already 10 am for goodness sake. Paolo you wake up too, hindi ka na nakakatulong."
"Yes tita eto na po."
"Mom stop it. Leave Paolo out of this."
"Then who should I call to get you out of this drunken stupor? Mark? I'll call him
right now."
"MOOOOOM."
"Uhm tita, I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why?"
"Mark hasn't contacted me since he found out I was going blind, happy?"
"Why that little pest. He's going to hear an earful from me and his parents."
"Ma, just let it go."
She could see the sullen face her daughter wore after that admittance. She never told her anything, and despite what they had established a few weeks ago, the distance between mother and daughter was still like a huge elephant in the room. She realized she didn't know her daughter enough. Most of the things she's done in her life were in complete defiance to her will. But she felt guilty. If only she had been a tad more understanding, perhaps it wouldn't be this hard for them to communicate. Maybe, just maybe, had she been there for her and listened to her more, Nicomaine might actually see how much her mother would sacrifice for her.
"Anak, I know how depressing this is for you. Believe me, kung pwede lang na ako nalang sana ginawa ko na yun. But you can't just stop living."
"Oh I'm living ma, humihinga pa ako oh."
"Stop being coy with me Nicomaine. Wasn't it you who told me you wanted to live a life that's full of adventure? Why stop now?"
"News flash. I'm blind?"
"Anak, please don't let that stop you."
"Tama yung mom mo Dei."
"Why are you guys ganging up on me all of a sudden?"
"We just want what's best for you anak."
She sat up angrily and tried to make sense of what it was they were trying to have her do. She wanted to tell them she's done trying to figure out what it was she could do with her disability.
"Dei, we could go to a library a friend of mine..."
"A library? Really Pao?"
"Wag ka kasi nega agad. Pektusan kita eh. My good friend Leya runs Braille classes there. We should check it out."
"Yeah. That's actually a good idea Paolo. Ano anak? Are you up for it? I could drop you guys off."
"It would be as if I admitted defeat."
She stared blankly at what used to be a painting that hung on the purple wall of her old bedroom. She tried to look at it closely, attempting to remember every detail, if it still looked the same. But it didn't. Nothing was. She moved in with her mother shortly after their debacle, hoping her company would ease things up a bit, but it didn't.
The morning air was damp. Apparently it had rained all night. It was colder than usual and there was a slight waft of her favorite bamboo potpourri. A single, warm, tear ran through her cheeks as she tried to distinguish which of the two figures belonged to her mom's or Paolo's. At this point, all she could see were their outlines and the colors of their clothes. As much as she wanted to convince herself it was all going to be okay someday, a voice inside her head always interrupted even the slightest bit of optimism that came wandering about.
