Maine
I like looking up at the stars. When I was eight, I memorized all the constellations and I would often stay up late outside in the garden, searching for the figures in the sky. I don't remember when the last time was when I looked up in the sky. I suppose it was before everything stumbled in the darkness, before I let it consume myself.
Alden brought me to the beach two days ago because he thinks I need a little bit of color on my skin. I laugh at him because he hates the beach and he hates the sun, but he remembers my answer to our 21 questions and he's trying his best to do all the things that I love. I told him that he doesn't have to do it, but he only scoffed at me as he pulled out a long list of things to do from his wallet, ticking off one box after another.
Tonight was a quiet night. We brought a picnic basket from the resort and a blanket to lay out on the sand while we sit near the bonfire they set up for us. It was perfect, though I'm expecting that something crazy is going to happen. It always happens.
"Bakit ba nahiligan ng mga tao na kumain ng sunog na marshmallow?" He grumbles as he sandwiches the roasted marshmallows between two graham crackers and a piece of chocolate. The marshmallow sticks to his fingers and he groans while handing me my smores. "Ang lagkit. Ang lagkit lagkit talaga."
"Thank you," I take the sandwich from him, the sticky candy melting all over the place.
The flames licked the wood as they turned into white-hot embers, the heat searing through the night. Alden picks up the box and places it in my hands, smiling at me. I don't think I'll ever get used to him, especially the way he looks at me like I was the best thing that ever happened to him when we all know I'm not.
"Ready ka na ba?" He asks and I nod, my lip caught in between my teeth. "Huy."
"Kaya ko bang kalimutan yung dating ako?"
I can feel the pads of his fingers trace against the faint marks on my arm, the roughened tips a stark contrast to the way he would gently touch me. My eyes close as I let myself feel, that there's this person who would willingly let this broken soul into his life.
"Hindi mo naman kakalimutan yung dating ikaw," he says softly and when I open my eyes, I find him looking at me with the kindest eyes I've ever seen. I feel the tears fall because I've never felt like I deserved kindness or love or anything else because I never felt like I was worth in this world. "I love you."
"I don't deserve that."
"Of course you do," he clasps my fingers around the box, holding on to my hand. "You deserve everything good, especially my love."
The bonfire is still burning bright and I shake the box in my hand, the tinkling of metal permeating the quiet night. I open it for one last time and take a look at the blades that used to be the only things that made me feel that I was still alive. A couple of them still glinted dully under the flickering flames, stained in dried blood and past memories.
"Di ko na kelangan 'to, di ba?"
"Hindi na." His voice is sure and steady, just like the hands that held mine. Alden stands and he helps me up, leading me as I take one long breath before I chuck the blades towards the fire, the stainless steel sparking when they met the blaze.
There's a certain kind of peace in me as I watch them burn into ash, like burning the pain and the sadness away. Alden wraps his arms around me and my body succumbs to his strength, his chin tucked against my shoulder as I lean against him.
"I love you," I tell him and I hope in all hopes that this love is enough to keep me in this world. His arms tighten around me and I can feel his lips against my cheek as he kissed me. "I'm sorry kung medyo natagalan."
"Pero ngayon, matatagalan pa ba?"
Alden holds up a ring, the stone sparkling in the fire's light. I look at him in shock, my body suddenly trembling.
"I'm going to ask your hand in marriage," he says as he holds my hand tightly. "I love you and I want to marry you."
"Even when I'm crazy?" He laughs, shaking his head. "Alam mong baliw ako Alden."
"Even when you're crazy," he assures me, showing me the ring again. "Maine Mendoza, will you marry me?"
"Ano yung available options?"
He narrows his eyes at me and I laugh, staring at the ring.
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Oo nga sabi," I murmur and Alden slips the ring on my left finger and it looks perfect.
My fingers tangle in his hair as he leans down to capture my lips in a kiss, and this is the point where I tell you that there are things that are worth fighting for. You can let love take you to places you've never thought you'd go, to places where you feel like life is so much better.
Even when we started with bleeding scars and broken souls, Alden and I found something that is much more important–ourselves. And that even in the darkest of the night, you can always look up to see the stars and find yourself home.
-End-
