The first thing that RJ does when Maine opens the door is engulf her in a hug. It's been like this for the past few months. Whenever Alex broke Maine's heart, he was always there to pick up the pieces. He felt that it was his job as her best friend. It didn't matter that he was still hopelessly in love with her, as long as she was in his life, he could bear the pain of seeing her love someone else. But when she got hurt like this, it killed him. Because he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he could, he would, treat her so much better.
Getting over her was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. But a few years after they graduated, she called him and asked him to have coffee with her. That was when she told him that she was a lesbian. That she suspected that she has always has been. It hurt all over again but it made sense. It explained a lot of things about their previous relationship and why she never seemed to properly reciprocate his feelings. They talked for hours. They never stopped talking since. Maine even introduced Alex and RJ. He was her number one confidante because he always made time for her, always listened patiently, always gave her sound advice. Maine was RJ's shopping buddy, his stylist, his matchmaker who constantly tries to fix him up because she couldn't believe that he still didn't have a girlfriend. If I liked men, she'd always tease him, I'd be all over you. He would always laugh but at the back of his mind, he fervently wished that maybe this was just a phase. That maybe, just maybe, there would be a miracle and she could be his again. For real, this time. In his wildest fantasies, he would imagine that she'd have a change of heart and he'd be there to catch her when she did. But when he snapped out of it, he'd resign to the fact that no, this was not a phase. This was who she was. And he loved her wholeheartedly, no more, no less. Even if loving her meant that he could only be there for her as a friend.
He tightens his hold on her as he buries his face in her hair. She hugs him just as tightly and sobs into his chest. He gently walks her backwards inside the room and quietly closes the door with his foot. They stay like this, her crying her heart out and him stroking her hair for as long as it took her to calm down. When she finally stops, she apologizes for staining the front of his shirt. He shushes her and tells her to go sit on the bed. He picks up the discarded comforter and tosses it on a chair, noting the petals and candles strewn all over carpet. He puts down his backpack and goes to the bathroom. He takes a wash cloth and soaks it in water. He goes back to the bedroom and sees her sitting on the huge bed. She looked so small. He finally notices that she's wearing nothing but a robe. He gulps, takes a deep breath, and goes to stand in front of her. He tips her chin upward and his heart breaks a little when he sees how lost she looks. Her mascara has run down her face and her eyes are red and swollen but she's still the most beautiful girl that he's ever laid eyes on. He starts wiping the make-up off her face. He goes back and forth to the bathroom to rinse the washcloth and wipe her face until it was bare. When that's done, he gets a glass of water and makes her drink. She quietly does everything he tells her to do, giving him the reins because she was just so tired of thinking, of doing, of being.
"Kumain ka na ba?" he asks her as he he tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She shakes her head.
"Maine, ayan ka nanaman eh. Diba sabi ko sayo wag mo pinapabayaan sarili mo? Babae lang yan, Maine. Tangina, wag kang magpakamatay," he's unable to control the anger in his voice because this is the nth time that this has happened and she hasn't learned her lesson. Neither has he but she didn't need to know that.
She says nothing, just crosses her arms and looks down. He huffs in irritation. They've been through this. Over and over and over and over again. Nothing he said ever seemed to get to her. She was so blinded by her love for Alex that she doesn't see how destructive it's becoming. But it's all too clear to him. It's in the dark circles under her eyes from countless nights of waiting for a return phone call. It's in her collar bones, more visible because she's been skipping one too many meals. It's in her cheeks, a lot less plump than they used to be, because smiling has become a rare commodity for her. And, most devastating of all, it's in her eyes; dull, lifeless, and flat where they used to sparkle.
He walks over to the table and grabs a plate where he puts a little of every dish there is. He pulls up a chair right in front of her and hands her the plate and a cloth napkin. She knows better than to refuse. She knows that he'll sit there and watch over her like she was a child if she didn't at least take a few bites. His frown lessens by a fraction when he sees her start to eat and he excuses himself to go to the bathroom. She waits for the door to close before she spreads the napkin on the chair in front of her and scrapes half of the food on her plate onto the napkin. She carefully knots the four corners of the cloth together and shoves it under the bed. She hears the toilet flush in the bathroom and hurriedly goes back to her original position.
"RJ, I'm full."
He looks at the half full plate. Well at least she ate something, he tells himself. He moves to get the plate from her but she stands, insisting that she could clean up. He lets her, anything to keep her busy and help keep her mind off things. He lays down on the bed, removes his glasses, and rubs his eyes. Until when am I going to keep doing this? He asks himself. For as long as she needs me to, he answers his own question firmly. Anything she needs, as long as I can give it, I will. He mentally slaps himself on the forehead. He knows he's being stupid. He knows that what he's hoping for was close to impossible. But no matter how much he berates himself, he knows he can never quit her. Just like she can never quit Alex. It was a vicious circle.
He feels the bed dip beside him as she lays down.
"When are you going to realize that you deserve better than this, Maine?" he asks her without preamble.
Maine is quiet for a few beats before she sighs. "Malapit na, RJ."
RJ laughs harshly. "That's what you said last time. Remember that? When she was 3 hours late to your birthday party? How about that time when your grandmother was rushed to the hospital and you couldn't even reach her? Or that time when ikaw naman yung nagkasakit and she wasn't there to take care of you? How about nung —"
"Tama na, RJ," she cuts him off in a defeated voice, "oo na. Alam ko na. Tanga na kung tanga. Martyr na kung martyr. Mahal ko eh."
RJ feels his heart squeeze.
"Alam ko mahal mo. Pero mahal ka ba?" he asks her bluntly.
"Oo, mahal niya ko," she says with conviction.
"Ganyan ba ang mahal, Maine? Tignan mo nga itsura mo. Kung mahal ka niya, hindi ka niya hahayaang magkaganyan."
"Tangina mo, gago. Masakit na ah." she hits his arm.
"Masakit kasi totoo," he says gently.
She doesn't answer. She just picks up the remote control and starts channel surfing just so she has something to do.
"Vodka ko nasan?" she asks him after a few minutes, pulling on the sleeve of his shirt.
RJ rolls his eyes at her not so subtle attempt to change the subject. "Tama na, nakaubos ka na ng isang bote ng wine oh," he says reproachfully.
"So? Halika, mag celebrate tayo. Anniversary ko ngayon oh. Wooooooh!" she bounds off the bed and goes over to his backpack. She zips it open and finds a bottle of her favorite brand of Vodka inside. Just like she knew she would. Because RJ never says no to her.
