Maine checked her watch for the nth time. Alex was late, as usual. I'm going to wait half an hour, she thinks to herself, half an hour and that's it. She's gotten used to Alex never arriving on time the past few months because of work commitments but this was too much. Alex should've known better. Alex should've tried harder to be on time today. It's not everyday that they get to celebrate their 4th anniversary, after all. Four years! It's been four wonderful years, for the most part. They met in college. When Maine saw Alex for the first time, she instantly felt an attraction. It scared her a little but she was more exhilarated than anything else. She would always admire from afar, marvelling how gorgeous and funny and smart Alex was. She never thought that she stood a chance. Until one day when she and Alex happened to stand in line next to each other for enrolment. They struck up a conversation. The conversation turned into a study session. The study session turned into coffee shop hangouts. The coffee shop hangouts turned into friendship. And late one night, on their way home, Alex kissed Maine. It felt amazing and exciting and just...right.
20 minutes to go.
Their relationship was smooth-sailing for the most part. Maine's friends were shocked, of course. None of them knew but they learned to accept her as true friends are wont to do. Her parents were furious, as if she had control over what she was and how she felt and who she fell in love with. They threatened to cut off all ties with her if she didn't break up with Alex. She hasn't spoken to her parents ever since. They just couldn't accept the fact their perfect little princess, their beautiful little girl was a lesbian. You couldn't really tell by looking at her, she was as girly as ever, just as fond of make-up and dresses and strappy heels as she ever was. The only difference was that she was sexually attracted to girls. Deep inside, she knew that she always has been. She just didn't want to admit it to herself because she was ashamed. But the day she saw Alex, things started to change for her because she discovered things about herself that she tried to keep hidden for so long. She saw Alex, tall, tan, beautiful, sexy, and confident and she realized, bit by bit, that it was more than just a girl crush. Alex was her catalyst for finally coming out of the closet and accepting herself for who she really was.
Maine sighed. 10 minutes left.
Alex was wonderful. Fun, crazy, spontaneous, and unapologetic. Being in a relationship with her was like an on-going adventure. She kept Maine on her toes and Maine loved her unpredictability. She loved that she was the only constant in Alex's life. A buoy in rough seas, the only one left standing when everything else is tossed asunder. But lately it was taking its toll. Alex's job as a model took her places and granted her access to events where Maine can't always attend. She was constantly meeting people and it felt as if lately, Maine was having to fight for space in her life. It led to misunderstandings. Missed dates. Harsh exchanges of words. Things thrown and broken against the wall out of frustration. But they always, always made it through. Because, no matter how flighty Alex was, she knew that she loved Maine with all her heart. And when Maine had Alex's full attention, she was sweet, caring, and loving. She was either hot or cold. There was no in-between. And in the end, no matter how much it hurt Maine, as long as Alex was hers, she felt like she could endure it.
Five more minutes.
She sends Alex another text, hoping that this is the one that gets a reply. She tries to call but her phone just rings and rings and rings. She tries this several more times until each ring just feels like a tiny little stab to her heart, each more painful than the last.
Time's up.
She blows out the candles spread out strategically throughout the hotel room. She kicks the rose petals scattered on the floor. She eyes the the now cold food on the table and takes a deep breath. She reaches for the wine bottle, pops it open and starts drinking straight out of it. She wriggles out of the body-hugging dress that she got in Alex's favorite shade of blue, suddenly finding it suffocating. She's about to peel off the matching underwear that she bought especially for the occasion when she happens to pass by the mirror. She properly stands in front of it and gives herself a good, long look. Several things catch her attention. The tousled hair through which she ran her hands over and over again out of sheer frustration. The collar bones that have become more prominent because she hasn't had a decent appetite for the past few months. The average-sized boobs that's she's always been insecure about. The flat stomach that she was quite proud of. The belly ring that she got on impulse to try and impress Alex. The legs that will never be long enough. The skin that wasn't quite the color that she wanted it to be. She found flaws everywhere, little scars and dents that made her think that maybe the reason why Alex was getting tired of her was because she wasn't as perfect as she was. Alex's constant exposure to ridiculously gorgeous people just added to Maine's growing list of securities. She takes another swig of wine. She likes this lingerie though. It's cute. She decides to keep it on and just throws a fluffy white robe over it. She only has one set of spare clothes that she's going to use when she goes home later. She can't stomach the thought of staying here all by herself. She looks at the king-sized bed which she had covered in petals too. She scoffs at herself for being so cheesy. She walks over and yanks the comforter off the bed, effectively scattering more petals throughout the room. She kicks at petals again. And again and again and again until she accidentally stubs her toe on the side table.
"Putang ina naman oh!!!"
Tears start to roll down her cheeks.
"Putang ina! Putang ina! Putang ina!"
She gulps another mouthful of wine before she plops down on the bed. Never, in her entire life, has she ever felt this pathetic. She's wracked by sobs, tired of waiting for a person who's always late. Tired of waiting for replies to text messages that sometimes went days unanswered. Tired of hearing the busy tone or the endless rings on the other end of the line. Just tired. She closes her eyes and, after a few more jagged breaths, falls asleep.
