On April 10th 2007, I lost the person I lived for. The reason why I wanted to live each day. My lifeline. I lost Maine. But on the same day, God gave me the most wonderful gift of all, our beautiful daughter. A reminder of the unconditional love and care that Maine and I had.
I lost Maine, but I gained Charmaine and that meant everything.
Till her very last breath, I knew and I felt that Maine made sure that I would have someone to give me strength. Someone who would be able to fill the space that she would leave behind.
It has been nine years now since Maine passed away yet it still feels like yesterday when I lost Maine. Charmaine is now nine, and every day she reminds me of her mother. Her charm is just like her mother's, she makes the darkest days brighter. Her hugs and kisses are priceless. I try my best to fill all the gaps that Maine left, but I guess a mother's love is incomparable.
When Charmaine was seven years old, I took her to my secret sanctuary. It was the first time I went back since Maine passed away.
We got up to the tree house and I told her, Princess, when mommy was still alive, we used to go here all the time. I would take her here whenever she was sad. Now, whenever you are sad, you can come here and hopefully that will make you feel better.
Suddenly the expression on her face changed and she said, "I wish mom is with us right now. I wish I had the chance to meet her. Everytime my friends would talk about their mom, and how their moms bring them to school and cook for them, I would go to the bathroom and just cry.
Charmaine began crying and I could not help but pity my daughter. I engulfed her in a big hug and rubbed her back.
I said, Honey, you know daddy gets upset too whenever I remember your mom. But you know what I do? I talk to her. Just look up in the sky and just tell her how you feel, I bet she will hear you. She might not be here physically but she is up there in heaven, watching over you. Mommy loves you so much and I bet she would do anything to be here with you. Someday, the three of us will be together again, but for the meantime, it's just gonna be us two okay? I love you Charmaine. Come on don't cry na! I hate seeing my baby cry. Do you want to get ice cream? Once again, the big smile on her face came back and she clapped her hand in excitement.
I try my best make her feel that even if Maine is no longer with us, she gets the chance to know her mom. I show her pictures and tell her wonderful stories about Maine.
Every day, I still wish that Maine's just right beside me. I wish she's here to see how our daughter grew up to be such an amazing and independent little lady. I still seek for her at times of trouble or victory. She was still the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes I still call her cell phone, just to hear her voice through her recorded voicemail.
One night, after dinner, out of the blue I asked her, 'Nak, happy ka ba?
She responded with her bedimpled smile, Yes daddy, I'm happy.
And with that, I know that we would be all right.
