Hetalia oneshots.

DenNor Angst

Norway's POV

I shakily sigh as I look down at the letter my Mother sent me. My hand shook as I traced those 9 words that made my heart crack. 'You are no longer worthy of the Bondevik name', before it were the words 'Homosexuality is a sin, Lukas, what do you think you are doing?' I can just imagine my Mother sitting there, fuming whilst writing this. My family were all Christians, and I was brought up to believe that being who I was, was for lack of better words, wrong. I disrespected my parents so much, that they were prepared to disown me. I don't care, at least that's what I tell Matthias and myself. Matthias knows my parents disapprove of us being together in the way that we are, but he doesn't know to what severity. I know for a fact that he'd tell me to go to my family, that family was more important than him. Stupid Dane, always trying to do whats best for others and ignoring his wants. He's always been the more selfless one of us both, he's been this way since we were children. I know almost everything about him, from his favourite colour, to his very greatest dreams and fears. But there is still so much he doesn't know about me. For instance he doesn't know of my depression, or how cruel my family really is. It's best to keep it that way though. At least it can't hurt him, I don't care how much it hurts me, but if it hurts Matthias, then I know I'll stop. I don't want to stop, I deserve this pain. I am unworthy of anyone's love. And that's the way it will always be.

I'm not sure when I became depressed, I know that I first cut when I was 13, but when did I grow to hate myself so much? When did my parents words finally make me crack under pressure? God, I'm so weak and pathetic, Emil wouldn't let any of this get to him. Emil would be stronger. My younger brother is stronger than I am, can I get any worse? Apparently so, as when I slit open my wrists I can come up with a million reasons to die.  How could Matthias even love someone like me? The blood is rolling onto the clean floor of the bathroom now, I'll have to clean that up later. The crimson drops make me smile, in a ridiculous manner. The pleasure from the pain, the beauty of seeing my own blood falling onto the floor is so astounding. It takes my breath away. I deserve this. No one loves me, no one should have to put up with me. This is the only way that I can cause the pain I feel. This is the only way for me to continue to exist. Because when I stop cutting, I'll be dead. Death... It sounds so beautiful to me. Like a clear, strong voice in a clouded place. But I can't die yet, not without telling Matthias everything I'm feeling. Every feeling of hatred, pain, love and sadness. I don't want to just leave him like that. "Lukas, Lukas, hey, are you okay? You've been in there a while." Speak of the devil and there he is. I call out a shaky 'I'm fine', he doesn't sound too convinced. I feel awful for lying to him. "Lukas I don't like that tone, I'm coming in!" I can hear him slam his entire body weight into the door. I scramble to hide all of the knives, blades, and try to clean up all the blood. He hits the door again, calling out in worry and panic. Oh God, what if he sees? "Lukas, Lukas let me in!" He yells, slamming into the door another 4 times. On the last attempt the door breaks, splinters flying in every direction. I don't dare to look up and face the look of pain on Matthias' face. "Oh God, Lukas what did you do?!?" He yells, instantly falling down next to me and grabbing my arm. "It's fi-" He cuts me of with a distressed yell. "No! Don't you dare say it's fine! Tell me the truth Lukas! Why would you do this?" 

"I'm not good enough, okay? I-I can't please my parents, I'm unworthy, you could do so much better, I-I'm worthless!" Matthias quickly rips his shirt and wraps it tight around my wounds in an attempt to make the bleeding stop. I don't miss the salty tears rolling down his cheeks. I brush them away, muttering I'm sorry. "W-Why would you even think that Lukas? I love you, you're parents are stupid if they can't see how amazing you are, you are worth every second I give you and more, I could never do better than you because to me, you are the best there is!" I choke out a sob, and grip onto his shirt, crying heavily into it. He stops speaking and just holds me. Matthias hold me like he's afraid I'll leave, like he's afraid that one day I'll cut too deep and die. Realisation hits me like a bullet, I could of died all those times I cut! "O-oh my God, w-w-what have I done?" I whisper, Matthias kisses my forehead, in attempt to comfort me. He just whispers 'I love you, don't do this.' over and over again in my ear. Together our tears fall on the floor, mixing themselves with the blood. The blood that was caused from my pain. Matthias presses his lips to mine, he does it in a different way to usual. This one isn't fun and full of joy, it is slow, passionate and loving. He is being gentle, like I could break if he kisses too hard. Even so, his lips are trembling. I can tell he just wants to sob away all the pain, but he's trying to be strong for me. "I'm so so sorry Matthias." I whisper.
"No, I'm sorry for not realising sooner, but we will get through this together okay?" He says that as the world around me spins. "I-I don't-" I feel myself crash against the fall, and in my last moments I can hear Matthias screaming for me. I'm sorry, I didn't get to tell you I love you. Matthias please stay str-

THUMP.