Writings

Demon

A/N: This was last night's. It's dark. I'm sorry. But I write better when it's dark I guess. Enjoy I suppose.

~Samm ^~^

In the dark of the night I'm haunted by dangerous thoughts. Thoughts of death and destruction; self-destruction. I'm plagued by darkness and fear. I was never afraid of the dark growing up. Is there a demon following me? Poking at my flaws and yelling out my insecurities. The walls are covered by protectors, inspiration. And yet they can't save me from one thing, my mind. It's dark. It's scary. It's mean. It's judgmental. It taunts me. Yells at me. Calls me names. Throws my worth at me. Makes me question everything. It makes me wonder if I deserve to be real. Worthy of life. It makes me want things my conscious mind would never ask for. It reminds me of reality. Tells me that I can't live in my fantasy anymore. Reminds me that he cold never love me. That he could never care about me. That I'll never meet him. Reminds me of those I've lost. Of those I miss. It tells me that she never cared. Was never my friend. Makes me question K and Shelbs. Makes me hate me. Makes me wish I'd never been made. Reminds me of the hell I live. Reminds me that my personal hell isn't the worst. Screams that it could be worse. And then makes it worse. I want to run from it. But how can you run from yourself? How can you run from a part of yourself? How? Dear demon, leave me be. Just when I think it's going good, you tear me down. Break me up. You pull me apart, you beat me up and down. You make me wish for death's icy grip. You make me hate every breath I take. You make me hate myself more. You put all the blame on me. You make me want to be someone else. You make me refuse to eat. You make me eat too much. You distort my view of myself. You ruin my life all the time. You kill me day by day. Why do you hate me? Why do you make others hate me? What did I do wrong? Do you really want me dead? Would that make you happy? If I took a bullet for you? If I jumped on a grenade for you? If I sacrificed myself for you, would that please you? If I became Tyler, would that bring you joy? Or do you find pleasure in teasing me? Do you get off on my pain? Is this a game of you? Am I a toy? Or am I a pawn in your evil chess game> why do you bug me most at night? What do you do all day? Charge? Why do you flood me after the sun sinks beyond the horizon? Why do you drown me in the dark? Is that when you have the most power? Why do you have to pick on me? I just want to be happy. Do you enjoy making me feel weak? Do my tears empower you? Do my sobs turn you on or something? The harder I cry the better the score, right? You almost won on Sunday, yeah? You gonna try again? Gonna keep it up until you take my life? I'm just a notch in your belt. You feed on my anger, sadness, stress and fear. You live on a solid diet of my fear, don't you? I have so much of it after all. You hurt me through the things that bring me joy. You force songs to make me cry. You show me photos of him with her. You hurt my friends. You take away my family. You kill me slowly; step by step. One of these days you'll win. You're very close and you know it. Don't you? I can almost feel, rather than hear your laughter. I hope that you lose. I hope that I can watch you fall just like you watched me. I hope that I can push you off this building you've got me on the edge of. The drop looks welcoming. The ground looks like a pillow. The fall looks like a breeze. Maybe you'll win... It looks inviting... I'm unsure. But I'm on the edge as I sit on this fence. What will the future hold? (if there even is one)

A/N: Okay there's that. Um, okay, bye.

~Samm ^~^