Writings

I Miss You

A/N: 6AM thoughts while reading old messages with my Shelby. Random. Ignore typos, I'll fix em later. Pardon my language.
~Samm🙈💭💚

I miss messaging you. I miss talking to you. I miss skyping you. I miss seeing your face. Miss seeing your messages when I get up. I really wanna text you but I can't talk to you. I don't wanna get you in trouble.  But fuck, I miss you! Its only been 3 months but it feels like 3 centuries. It feels like I haven't talked to you in a million years. And every day sucks bc of it. I want to cry. I want to tell you soooo many things. But I can't and the thought of that hurts. I want you to be here and I just wanna talk  to you. I wanna Skype again. I wanna text you and spam you with things. I wanna show you screenshots. I wanna show you stupid things that ppl have said to me. I wanna tag you in best friend posts. I wanna send you random appreciation paragraphs and spam you with emojis. I wanna talk to you on the phone just bc I can. I wanna wish you happy birthday in elaborate ways. I wanna send you ugly pictures of things. I wanna pull all nighters with you. I wanna Snapchat you pictures of my dog. I wanna retweet everything you tweet. I wanna be normal best friends with you. That tease each other about crushes. And hold you when you cry. That come over like they own the place. That text each other while sitting on the couch watching a movie. I wanna send you emoji texts and you just know what I'm saying. I wanna fangirl with you over nothing. I wanna send out gibberish texts and you just know what I'm trying to say.  I wanna live next door to you and skype you from your front door like a creeper. I wanna sing songs with you over text. I wanna go driving together, even if we don't go anywhere. I wanna go to the mall with you and sit in the food court with like smoothies just ppl watching. And pretend make fun of ppl but never be serious about it. I wanna sing couples songs together like we're married and then laugh bc we're stupid. I wanna call you dumb pet names that are so bad we laugh every time they're mentioned. I wanna have conversations with facial expressions. I wanna watch sad movies and cry. I wanna dance like idiots together. I wanna be every cliché best friend there is. I just miss  you so much I want to scream and cry. I hate this so much. I have soooo much I wanna tell you!! I wanna pick stupid pictures to send to you with the caption "that's you". And you say "same" back but we're both laughing so hard we can't breathe. I'm soooo sorry I got you in trouble. I wish I could change that. I want you back in my life. Just one notification from you would make my day.  I'd probably start crying like last time. Fuck I miss you. I can't listen to Save Some Snow without crying. Especially now. I wanna wish you Merry Christmas. I want give you a present.  I wanna show you how you've changed my life. I wanna protect you from everything. I'm scared that you're gone. I don't want to know that you're gone. It would shatter my already broken heart. I love you. You're my best friend. I just wanna know that you're okay. I wanna know that I haven't lost you for good. Damn it! I didn't want to cry! I wanna be strong for you so you won't worry. But I can't help it. We went through so much in such a short time. You're so important to me. You're like my sister. I never had one. I just wanna protect you from the world. I don't want you to get hurt. I just love you and I miss you. And I just wish I could hug you rn. If I could go back and relive it, I'd cherish it more. I'd Skype you more. I'd never let you go. I know you didn't want to leave but it still hurt. I know it hurt you too. You're "tired of losing" and so am I. I'm holding onto the day I get a message from you. That's all I have. God, I miss you! I miss you so much it hurts. I miss my sister, my penguin. I know this was for the best but I miss you. Pls just tell me you see these. I won't reply. I'll follow your rules. I promise. Just pls? Give me that. It can be my Christmas/birthday present. And you missed that too... But I was sick so whatever. Just give me something. Pls. I just wanna know that you're alive. That's all I care about. That you're safe and well. That's my only wish. I can talk to Kate. She's there for me but she's not you. And it's 7 AM and I know that I'm about to cry myself to sleep. But I just wanna know you're okay. Are you still writing your poems? Bc I love those. I just want you back.  I love you forever and always, Shelbs. I love you. ❤💔😭

Whatever, I just want Shelby. I'm going to cry myself to sleep reading our hangouts messages. Bye. (Pls give me something Shels.)
~Samm🙈💭💚💔😭😭😭😭