Writings

Alex

A/N: Hi, this is just something I wrote last night(or should i say this morning bc i didn't fall asleep until after like 6 AM so...). (while i may or may not have ben crying myself to sleep/crying while writing...) It's safe to say, that I'm not as happy or sunshine-y as I usually am today. But whatever, Idc. Halloween is weird for me. Anyway, here, whatever... (Photo: "Parents")

~Samm😕👻🎃🍁🍂

I love him so much. But he'll never know. I can't tell him. He's perfect. He's my light. But he'll never know it. He won't know how he helped me. Or dried my tears. Even though he's not here, he makes it all better. With one smile. I adore him but he doesn't know. He never will. I may not have been a fan forever, but I'm never leaving. I need him too much to ever leave. How did I live without him? His voice makes the clouds go away. His laugh makes the sad depart. I just want to tell him, I want him to know what he's done. I want to feel his strength. I want to be graced by his smile. I want him to save m and tell me it'll be okay. I want his sunshine on my face. I want his reassurance. I want his soothing voice in my ear. I want him to be my lullaby. I want him to kiss my head and make me feel loved. I want to fee his love. I want him to take the hurt away. I want him to make me smile. I want him to make me whole. I want him to fix my broken pieces. I want to miss him rather than not know him. I want to call him when I'm sad so that he can make me smile. I want him to make it better. I want him to fix me. I want him to be my rock. I want him to be there. I want him to make me feel safe. I want to hear his heart beat under my ear. I want him to dry my tears. I want him to take the pain away. I want to draw strength by holding his strong hand. I want him to soothe me. I want him to make me feel better. I want him to push my doubts away. I want him to know. I just want him to understand. I want to be in his arms, if only for a moment. I want to feel the light from his smile. The warmth from his hug, his heart. The softness of his breath. The ruggedness of his skin. The beating of his heart and his breath. I want to memorize the smell of him. The feeling of being in his arms. The whisper of his soft voice in my ear. I want him to make me feel warm all over, like a cozy blanket. I want to have a recording of his voice to soothe me when I get like this. I want him to know I love him and I want to hear the words fall from his mouth too. Even if he doesn't mean it the way I do. I just want him to know what he means to me. Even if I can't put it into words. I want him to look at me and just know. I want him to understand. To know that if he went into battle, I'd follow him to the end of the world. I'd stand by his side and fight even when everyone else had left. Even if I got hurt and was mortally wounded, I'd fight until my last breath. I just want him to know. Know that I exist. Know that I care. That I won' leave. That I'm here if he needs a soldier. That he means more to me than words can express. That I consider him a father figure. Him and his best friends. I love you Alex Gaskarth. And I hope you know that I mean it. And always will. 

A/N: Whatever...

~Samm😕👻🎃🍁🍂