Writings

Anniversary

Hey, so I meant to post this on the 1st but I forgot.. I feel like a bad person for not posting it bc it's probably one of the most important things I can post.. But anyway this one is for my best friend Shelby. I haven't talked to her in what feels like a million centuries but that's exaggerating a lot. But I hope she sees it... I intended to tag her but I'm afraid still to this day that I'll get her in trouble if I do. But Shelbs, darling, if you see this can you please at least give me some sign that you're okay, that your like alive...? Bc this whole radio silence has me scared out of my mind that you're gone. I swear I won't reply and get you in trouble but please just give me something. I have to know that you're okay or I'm gonna lose my mind more than I already have. A hell of a lot has changed since we last talked and my biggest fear is that I lost you and I have no fucking clue about it. So I'm begging for something here, a vote, a comment, a message, just something so I know that you're still alive bc you don't post anymore. I've lost too much in the last 3 years to know that I've lost you too. So please? (Although you may not want to be my friend anymore after you read what I've written below...😔)

All the love💕
xSam🙈💭💚

It's been at least 2 years now
Since the day we met.
Feels like its been forever.
Do you remember how we met?
I remember every second.

I remember you asking for advice.
And I remember listening with intent.
I remember getting to know you
Before you asked your questions.
I remember how bad I was
At helping solve your problems.
I remember sharing interests with you
And talking about our lives.
I remember swapping photos
And talking awkwardly.

I remember all the good times
And I remember all the bad.
I remember ignoring you
For lack of what to say.
I remember being scared
To talk to you over video chat.
I remember being so awkward
That I didn't want to talk.
I remember regretting later
Doing what I did to you.
I remember feeling awful
For pushing you away.
I remember hating myself
For treating you so badly.
I remember wanting to apologize
For being so unfair.
But I didn't want to admit
That I had been ignoring you.

I remember all our Skypes.
I remember making jokes.
I remember smiling with you.
And listening to music together.
We talked about our favorite things.
You were the first person
I did all that with.
You became so easy for
Me to talk to.
And we talked daily.
You really changed my life.
And when we talked with Kate,
I was overjoyed.
I was oh so happy that
My best friends got along.
I was happy to have you both.

I hated myself more when
I could no longer talk to you.
I hated my horrible actions
And I wanted you back so bad.
I wanted something from you
To know that you were safe.
I wanted to read your poems
So I could know you were okay.
And still I wait for the day
That we can talk again.
I hold out for the day
That you'll come back to me.

Just remember darling
That I still love you.
And I always will.
There's so much I
Want to say to you.
But I'll never fit it all in.
I'll never say it all.
How could I?
There are too many words
To put them all on paper.
I love you to the moon.
Please remember that.
And I will wait for you
Until you can talk again.
I hope we haven't drifted
Very far apart, Shelbs.

So happy Friendiversary
My lovely Shelby Bean.
Hopefully you come back soon.
I hope we have so many more
Anniversaries of our friendship.
I love you dear, take care.
I'll see you when I can.
And Happy Birthday too!
I know it's coming up.
See you soon my friend. 😊💕

And I'm still so fucking sorry for all the hell I've put you through...

Remember I love you, Shels. And I write you into everything. So you know I'm thinking about you. It's been a minute since I broke down crying over missing you but I still miss you every. damn. day. Just like my mom. I miss you more than there are words to express it with. Please come back to me soon...
All the love, forever
xSam🙈💭💚