Writings

Greatest Fear

A/N: Idk, I wasn't really happy. I'm still not. And I wrote this so here. Idk, Idc. Just- here. Have some sad music to go with it. It doesn't go with it but okay...

~Samm :////

I have to say one of my greatest fears is watching my best friend walk out of my life just like the last one did. That and watching her go through hell and not being able to help. Either because I don't know how or she won't let me or I just can't. But this is the reality I live. No one should have to watch someone they love walk away, never to return. No one should have to feel that pain. No one should have to lie awake at night and wonder. "Did I do the right thing? Could I have done more? Could I have saved her, from herself? What did I do wrong to be treated like that? Was I that bad of a friend? Was she ever even my friend? Did she ever care about me like she said she did? Did I mean anything to her? Was I just a place filler? Where did I go wrong? What would it be like if she hadn't left? Would we still be friends to this day? Why did she just walk out like that? Like I know the events leading up to it but really why? What would I do if I ever saw her again? Would I let her back in? What's wrong with me that made her leave? If I got the chance to let her back in, would I? Was I just a pawn?" No one should have to go through that. No one should be this messed up over it. Even after 4 or 5 years. No one should have to worry about their friend walking out on them. I went through hell with that. I hate that I miss her. I hate her...I think... I don't know anymore. It's been so long... Yet it feels like yesterday...There are moments in your life that you know you'll remember forever. Good or bad you'll remember it. This is/was one of those moments. Please take note that I'm sharing something that really only K knows. She knows how bad it messed me up. The trust issues I have, the times I just randomly cry because of... She knows how hurt I am because of it. She knows the hell I go through everyday living with this. Losing a best friend messes you up. And no matter how much you hate to admit it, it does. It bothers you for the rest of your life because: "What if they walk away like the last time? What if they don't come back from that thing they're doing?" All of it. Losing someone you're close with like that, it really messes you up. It eats at you until it almost destroys you. You always wonder what you could have done differently. You always wonder. There's never a time that you don't think you did the wrong thing. Especially if that friend was one of your only friends who turned all the rest of them against you. 

A/N: Idc just whatever.

~Samm :////