Writings

A Year

A/N: I wrote this last night. It's about my best friend. It was meant to be all happy and sweet but it kinda became angry for awhile but it went back to happy and sweet. So here. The video is our song.

mikeyskitten1123 is the lovely sunshine this is about. <3

~Samm =^~^=

So we're coming upon a year of friendship. Crazy to think that a year ago I was blissfully happy. Now I sometimes struggle to hold a smile. Crazy to think that almost a year ago I met you. To think that someone so far away could feel so close. I never truly knew friendship until you. Amazing what can happen in a year. Look how much we both have changed. You went from a broken girl, hanging on by a string to an almost healed, strong being. I'm so proud of you. You've been put through a lot. And then there's me. I went from being almost whole to nearly, totally shattered. Oh how the times have changed! You used to cling to me like a lifeline, a direct one. Now it's me doing the clinging. It's me doing all the crying. Oddly enough, no matter how tight I cling to you, a part of me always pushes you away. It's a sick gift she gave me. This stupid defense mechanism. It's something I can't fight. I can't because I don't know I do it. You can add the pushing to the long list of sick gifts she left me with. But damn, even after, what is it now, 4, 5 years? Even after all that time it still hurts. Still crushes me to pieces. Shatters the left over fragments of my heart. Four years couldn't change the pain. But one year can change me. Change my happiness. Change my dialect. Change my abilities. Change my views on friendship. But four years can't change my trust issues. Can't change the pain I feel every September. Can't change the tears that fall when I find one thing that's hers. Or it was. Kinda like I once was her friend. The one that helped her through so much. The one who stood by her through everything. The bullies. Her brother. Her mom. Jeremy. But no. She just dropped me when her wings were healed. Seems all she ever did was use me. I was just a place to crash while she healed. I guess "Masks" mean nothing, huh? Guess it was all built on a lie. You just wrote that to make it seem real, sincere. I'll bet your brother didn't even... Sometimes I just get so pissed about what you did, Linzy, I can't even see straight. I just want to hit you. Then I remember I can't. Why? You're not there anymore. And then I'm crying over the memories. What you did to me was worse than leaving. What you did was worse than giving me a disease. You took off your mask and threw it at me. You did the one thing you promised not to do. You broke me. At 14. Ha! I was already broken before I had a chance to be whole. So not there's a fragment of my heart that's gone. It's the place where you were. And through it all, I know that it'll never be replaced. But ya know what? I don't need your lying ass anymore. I have someone better. I actually have two. Two gorgeous angels that save my life on a daily basis. Two angels that I push away every time I think of you. How do you do that? How do you fuck me up so bad that just the thought of you shatters every ounce of strength and confidence they've built up? I want to know. I have this demon that haunts me just like your memory. Maybe I should name it after you... I want to hate you. I want to forget about you. I want to be whole and happy. But I can't. None of these wants can be achieved. I can't have any of them. Know why? There's still a part of me that see the good in you. That remembers how you used to be. But ya know what? Fuck this. I didn't start this to rant about a bitch that hurt me. I wrote this to celebrate someone that's important to me. I want to smile, not cry. I want to express love, not anger. So I'm going back to the good. I'm not gonna dwell on the negative. So where was I? Oh, right. A year changes a lot. I may not be the blissed out happy girl I was a year ago but I wouldn't change these 6 months with you for anything. I'm so lucky. You've been there when I needed you most. You picked up the pieces someone left me in. Pieces I didn't have the strength to touch. The broken shards of my lonely heart. Thank you for being what she wasn't to me, in 2 years time, in the short 6 months you've been here. You were patient and careful when I wasn't sure if I could love you as my friend. You didn't walk away when I ranted and cried about Shelby. Or even Linzy for that matter. You were there when I was sick and hurt. You suck by me through a move and a lack of internet. You virtually hugged me through thunder and possible tornadoes. And I know you'll help me understand and get through this depression I'm in. I'm sure you saw the signs. And I'm sure it's worried you. I don't know what depression feels like. But I know that I can flip from happy to sad like a light switch. I just break out crying. I don't want to leave my room much. When I do I feel I have to be happy and smile and laugh. And make my family think everything's okay. I feel like I have to hide from them. I sleep too late. And moving feel like a chore. Is that depression? And, don't take this the wrong but, I kinda want to be dead or to not exist or be someone else, but I don't want to like kill myself. I just don't want to be me. Is that depression? If it is, then maybe you're right. But I know you'll help me through it. So here's to almost a year. Here's to 6 months of time I'd never change. Here's to 6 months and hopefully so many years more. Here's to platonic soul mates. Here's to eternal friendship. Here's to hell and back. Here's to a lifetime of friendship. Here's to our forever. Here's to one day. Here's to the door and taking the key. Here's to a future I can't wait to see. Here's to us. Here's to you. I love you.

A/N: Hope that was okay. Okay bye!

~Samm =^~^=