Writings

Sad

A/N: This one was written about the same time as the last one. It's also about my dog. It was mostly me just accepting that he'd have to be put down. Again, these are my exact thoughts. Maybe the words are twisted a little to make it more interesting but the feelings are the same.

QOTC: Yeah. She's smiling. But don't let that fool you. Look into her eyes. She's breaking inside. ~Unknown (also from google.)

~Samm^~^

I'm so sad right now. I don't want to lose him. He's the greatest thing in my life. I don't know what to do. I know that time will tell. But alas the time is not now. He makes me happy. Protects me. What will I do without him? Why must the world be so cruel? I know that he will be gone soon. I just didn't think it would be this soon. Nothing can keep the smile on my face. It's bad. Real bad. But what am I to do? I'm no doctor. Does he even need one? I want to take away the pain. But I can't seem to do that. It's bringing me down. Its come on so suddenly. I know not how to help. What has caused this mess? My trust will soon be broken. How can I go on happy when he isn't? I wish to cure his ailments. How does one do that? How does one change the world when someone so near and dear is hurting? In time the pain of losing him will make me stronger. But now it seems so tough. Time will help heal the wounds his passing will bring. But how much time will it take? He's old, I know that much to be true. But what I don't know is why, now must he go? The slowness in his movements and the aching in his bones. Both things that hopefully will fade. I hate to see him like this when I've known him at his best. When he would run and jump and chase. But now he only sleeps. His comfort is the most important to me now. But how can I ensure that when he can barely move around? He looks so sad and down. His appearance reflects my emotions toward this situation. Tension fills the air. Because there is no way to take away his pain. Tears spring to my eyes at every move he makes. For I know, there is not a thing to do. Were the car not miles away, we'd take somewhere safe. This day has been more than tragic. I'm surrounded by the feeling of depression. Though I've not experienced it myself, I've seen it from afar. What a gift to give her, so close to Mother's Day! Oh how sad this day has become! I wish it weren't this way. This almost seems poetic. But rhymes are not my forte. How I hope this is just today. But this time feels exactly like the last. My subconscious whispers to me, "It's May again, my dear. The month rich in blood. The tears that soak these weeks are stronger than you know. May, I fear, is just a month so filled with the sadness of loss and death. How could you think this year would be different?" I suppose you're right. This month has never been the best. Too much loss of family, love and joy. Six days in and it's already begun. What is it about this month that takes away my happiness? Is there something I should know? Is it cursed? Or just highly unlucky? How ironic is it that the ones I care so much about, choose these four weeks to leave me all alone? How sick is your humor, sir, to take them all away from me within this dreaded month? This month, I despise out of the 12 we get is the one that's taken so many from my heart. This month is so full of pain, I wish that I could skip it. I'm holding back my tears. I'm trying to be strong. As I always do in these times of sadness. I'm very empathetic, it's like I feel his pain. I'm holding onto what I have. And hoping for the best. The doubt is setting in though. It's soon to take me over. I feel entirely numb. Why must I become and emotionless, lifeless mass when the sad times start again? It's sick really, how emotional all the others become and how emotionless I appear. My mind screams at me to do something, but what am I to do? It's like this life doesn't want me happy. Because every time I am, the rug is pulled from under my feet. And I'm falling down again. I hit the ground and can't return to my feet. Well, not until I overcome the sadness that overpowers my brain. It takes the life from my eyes and smile. Distorts my state of being. Why must life be this way?

A/N: I'm sorry for how depressing this is. I hope you like it though. Comments welcome! Love you!

~Samm^~^