Writings

October 10th

A/N: Ignore me. I just need to say a few things to someone I don't think I'll ever be able to talk to again. Someone I lost a year ago....

~Samm😩😇

Happy birthday, Gram! I wish I could have called. I wish I could have gotten you something. But what kind of gift should an angel get? I miss you. I'm sure you know that. I love you. I'm sure you know that. I hope I can see you again one day. I hope I can hold your hand in mine. I hope to see your smile. I know that you missed him. I'd love to watch the two of you dance. I'm sure it's a beautiful sight. You visited my dreams. Thanks by the way. Did you read my note? I don't remember what it says. But I'd know it if I heard it. It's been so long ago. I know you don't want me to cry. I know today should be a happy day but it's just not for me. Not without you here. Christmas was brutal. Thanksgiving was tough. Easter was different. Each and every day it's hard. It's never easy. I'm sorry for everything that happened. I'm sorry for the way I acted when I was younger. I'm sorry if I ever upset you. I hope one day I can tell you all of this. I hope one day I can hear your voice again when it's not faded in my head... I'm living on each moment. Knowing that you'd want me to. Each second that tick by seems to be just that much easier. But it never truly is easy. I don't think it ever will be. Maybe one day in the far off future it will be. I'm unsure. It'll take time. I'm not sure I'll ever get over this. I trust that you'll look out for me. I know you already have. You gave me my sign way back when. When I miss you, I read your cards. The ones you gave to me. I'm living in the moment. It's the safest place. It's where I know you'd want me to be. I don't know what else to tell you. You know everything. I know you're there. Even if I can't see or hear you. You're there. That's all I need I guess. Some days you feel farther but I guess that's a price I have to pay for losing you. I wish that it wasn't your time. I wish you could have seen AJ walk that stage. I wish you could have been there for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and our birthdays. But you were in a way. Maybe we couldn't see you. Or maybe we couldn't hear you but you were there. And with Aunt Joyce leaving the house, the only way I can see it is in pictures and memories. Your room looks so bare. I hate to see it that way. Every time we change my parent's bedding I cry thinking that all of this is yours. I know it's stupid. But I can't stop myself from just outright missing you sometimes. In all fairness, it's only been a year. And I didn't cry the first time until Christmas. That in itself is a record. I'm grateful for all you've done and all you do. Thank you for being here as long as you were. We needed you. We still do. But we need to learn how to not need you. You've left quite the legacy for you. I hope you're proud of us all. Please, if you can, come and visit. Just say something so that I know it's you. Move something so I know it's you. Just give me a sign that you're there and I'll think of you all day. Thank you for bringing Kate and Shelby into my life. I really needed them and they needed me. Thank you for indirectly showing me all this new music. I needed that too. Thank you for being there when I needed you most. For drying my tears, whether I knew you were there or not. Thank you for watching over me and loving me. I hope Grandpa made your first birthday in the clouds amazing. I hope it was everything you wanted it to be. I know you'll be waiting for me. I can't wait to see the both of you. I can't wait to meet him for the first time. Please keep watch over us. Both of you. I love you both and happy birthday, Gram. 

A/N: Sorry that got emotional. Anyway, bye!

~Samm😩😇

Gram: