Writings

Silent

A/N: This is 11 and a half pages handwritten. And ofc, it's dark yay...... Okay here.

~Samm =^~^=

Have you ever noticed that when someone is quiet it speaks volumes? The sound of silent house can be deafening. Or it can be creepy. Have you ever sat in total silence? No music. No tv. Minimal lighting. Just quiet with no other people. When someone is quiet, it could mean a multitude of things. It can mean that they're thinking of death. It can mean that they're thinking of life. They could be sad, mad or calm. They could be planning murder someone's silence could mean nothing. Or it could mean everything. Tyler's right, "sometimes quiet is violent". It's always quietest before the storm. The night is silent before the morning. When bubbly people are quiet, it's dangerous. I'm silent a lot. Sometimes my quiet is calm. Others it's not. Lately, my quiet is bad. It's filled with danger. Filled with fear. Filled with doubt and regret. I'm quiet far too often. Lately my quiet makes me cry. It's the kind of quiet that even music can't heal. It's a quiet that's sad and dark. A silence that I'm scared of. A quiet that makes me question everything. A silence I want to kick. The deafening sound of absolute nothing. It's something I wish I could escape. Something I want to leave in the dust. It's something that breaks me from the inside out. It's a sound I don't want to hear. It's the reason I can't sleep In pure darkness. It's the reason I need sound when I sleep. It's the reason I'm sometimes afraid of my room. It's the reason I cling to security blankets and stuffed animals. It's the reason I feel lonely. It's the reason I hate to be alone. It's the reason I keep secrets. It's the reason I distance myself. It's the reason I won't tell my family about it, about what goes through my head. It's the reason I live a double life. It's the reason I listen to Twenty One Pilots. It's the reason I identify with Tyler. It's the reason for a lot of the things I do. It's the reason I'm afraid to get close to people. It's the reason I hate so much of myself. It's the reason for my negativity. It's the reason for my doubts. It's part of the reason I can't trust. When I'm quiet, I overthink. I doubt everything. I hate myself. I hurt myself emotionally and mentally. I break my own heart. I tear myself to pieces. I fall apart. I smash my insides like glass. I walk on eggshells. On shards of blood-stained glass. I tear my hair out. I jump off cliffs. I feel like garbage. I beg for death to take me away for this self-inflicted pain. I scare myself with my darkest fears. I make something out of nothing. I live fantasies that I know will never come true. I make up false friends with tragic lives. I ponder death. I consider self-destruction. I want nothing more that to see the end of this dark path I'm walking. I want out of the dangerous forest. I want out by any means. Whether it's a bear attack. Or falling from a tree to the cold unforgiving ground. Or a crazed murderer. Or a bullet to the head. Or a knife to the throat. Or a rope. I just want out of this dark forest. I want out so desperately, I'd reduce myself to death. I try to keep my optimism but sometimes, it drops from my mind. It leave me like everyone else does. I'm not a leaver. I'm the one that always gets left behind. I'm no one's favorite. I'm not needed. No one bends over backwards to be near me. I'm no one's first choice. I'm not important. No one cares. I'm unnecessary. I'm ready to free fall off this building, Demon. You've finally won. I give up. Go ahead and push me one last time. I'm ready to drop. I'm ready to sleep eternally. I'm ready to be taken. I should have known I could never die happy. So I guess I'm ready. Take me away sweet angel of Hell. Take me to your fiery depths. I'll never find a home in the clouds. Not with these thoughts in my head. Not with this doubts on my mind. Not without the capability to forgive her. She who has done me so wrong. The one I regret befriending. The one that hurt me incomparably bad. So take me to Hell. I guess that where I belong. I guess it's what I deserve. So goodbye cruel world. So long heavenly clouds, I'll never reach. I'm going to a darker place. The cruelest of them all. I suppose it's where I belong. Goodbye to the beautiful angels that tried to save me. So long, Love of my life. I doubt we'll meet again. You're an angel on Earth. There's only one place you belong. And that's in the clouds with Him. I belong in the flames of the earth's core with the other him. He shall be my ruler. I never belonged with you. This was always my fate. Goodbye angels. You deserve your cloudy kingdom. And I deserve the flaming hell. 

A/N: So that was dark and it got darker at the end. Sorry. Okay bye!

~Samm =^~^=