Writings

Tired

A/N: Idk what this'll be but whatever. Here.

~Samm ://

i'm really getting tired of being treated like this. tired of being treated like i'm nothing. like i have no purpose. i'm really getting tired of being a part of this family. i'm beyond tired of being yelled at. i'm tired of being told i'm not good enough. no i don't need your words to tell me that, you're actions speak volumes. i'm tired of living in this house. i'm ready to run off and never come back. i hate being here. i hate being excluded. i hate being treated like i'm unwanted. i hate feeling  like i have to hide away in my room. i hate that music is the only thing that helps. i hate the way she yells at me. i hate being yelled at and she knows it. but what does she do every time? she yells at me. i hate the fighting. i'm not you mother. i never will be. i don't want to be. it's one thing when you treat me like dirt but him? no. don't treat him, the man that loves you, like that. he doesn't deserve it. he's been put through hell these past three years bc of you. he gets yelled at for nothing and now he can't even talk to his own kids on the phone? throw that word around again. i know you want to. you want me to fall to pieces. i'd rather live with your sister. she treats me like i matter. like i'm something. you think you know everything mother. you don't. don't pretend you do. just leave me alone. i just realized why the demon's voice sounded so familiar. i always thought it was my voice but it's not. it's yours mother. i'm sick of this house and your treatment. just leave me alone. i'm so done with you i can't even see straight. i feel so damn stupid bc of you. i want to be as far from you as i can get. if i had anywhere to go, i'd be gone now. i hate being here bc of you. i just want to throw everything in a suitcase and leave. i want to wake up tomorrow far, far from here. i want out of this town so bad. i want to be somewhere that the sun touches. i can't do anything right for you can i, mother? i guess i'm just the mistake you want to take back, right? i mean that's how you treat me. remember the time you told me to get out of the family? bc i do. how could i forget it. i was 13. and you wanted me out. ha! keep it up and you might get your wish soon. you want me gone so bad, keep pushing. keep pretending you know what's best. i'm not a child anymore. i don't have to listen to you. i don't have to live here. i can leave at anytime. i have a wonderful aunt that would love to have me. i know she would. how do i know? she told me i was welcome there whenever.  i really want to run. i want to get out and never turn back. all bc of you, mother. i don't have gram anymore to talk me down. i don't have her on my side. bc you know she always was. if grandpa was here he wouldn't let you treat me like this. i'd be over there rn. he would have gotten me right away. i've been on the very edge all day. it's all your fault. i was fine before you got up. aj and i were fine. this is all your fault. and now the music isn't calming me. i just want to run. i wish i had a car. i'd be gone. long gone. i wouldn't have stayed. i'd be far away rn. i hate living here. i hate living with you. if only i had somewhere to go...i hate it here so much. i want to be so far away. i want to run and not turn back. i want to take everything and go. go far, far, far away. being on the same continent is too close rn. i want to live somewhere else. i want to be somewhere that i can't hear your voice. i want to go somewhere i can listen to music and not be told i can't. i want to be on my own. on my own as far from you as i can get. i really never want to see you again. i don't want to hear your voice again. you've made my life hell. you're the reason i am the way i am. i hate this! let me out! i feel like i'm trapped in a sealed box. i feel like my hands are tied and my mouth is covered. i feel like i'm being held prisoner here. i want to escape from these chains that are holding me. i want away from these bars and the cell you've locked me in. let me out! i have rights! i'm not your servant. i'm your child. i'm not your source of entertainment. i'm your daughter. stop playing the victim when the victim is me. how do you want to be treated? treat me that way. i'm an adult! i'm not 5. i don't believe the lies you tell me. gram told me the truth. i know what you really are. someone save me from this tyranny! i'm drowning in it. i need out. out of this house. out of this town. out of this state. out of this country. out of this continent. out of this climate. i need to be so far away. why can't i just go? i've been put through too much here. i need to be away from here. i need to find my real home. where i belong. i can't do that trapped here. someone help me get out of here. 

A/N: So there's that. Whatever. Idk. 

~Samm :///