Writings

Missing

A/N: This is just nothing really. Idk. Just missing someone...
~Samm🙈💭💚

I miss Shelby. I miss her a lot. More and more each day. I miss talking to her and skyping her. I miss hearing about her plays. I miss knowing she was there. She's so close yet so far away. She's closer than K. But she's still so far. It's hard to live my life wondering if she's okay. It's hard to breathing thinking that it's only been a few months. It feels like it's been years. There's so much I want to tell her. There's so much I wish I could say. I feel like I've lost her forever. In my heart, I know I haven't but in my head I think I have. All the time. I try to not miss her. I try to be strong. I try to remember that this is for the best. I try to hold on. I try to keep my head up. Just for her. But whenever K is busy or asleep, I miss my Shelby. I try not to cry. I try to smile and remember that she'll be back. I try to remember that things will be okay and I just have to give it time. But I've watched a best friend walk out on me entirely. I've watched her forget me. I stood back and let it happen. I let her talk about me behind my back. I let her take my other friends from me. I let her hurt me like she did. There was nothing I could do. No way to stop it. I tried to fix it. I tried to put us back together but she never answered. I'm terrified that it's happening again. I'm scared that I've already lost her. I'm scared that she won't come back. I'm scared that I lost my sister. Yeah, K is there for me a lot but that doesn't change things. It doesn't change my fears. My doubts. That doesn't bring her back. It doesn't make everything okay. Probably my biggest fear is that when she does come back we'll be two different people and won't be friends like we were before. That things will never be the same as they Were. They we'll grow apart. That's the scariest thing that could ever happen to me. I'd take a thousand tornados at once if it meant that we'd stay the same. I'd face my greatest fear. I'd free fall from a building if it meant I could keep her. I'd take a bullet if it meant she'd stay. She's one of the few people I can actually trust. And I trust her with my life. Something I don't even trust myself with sometimes. I love her. She's more than my best friend. She's the sister I never had. She's one of my favorite people. Even now when I can't talk to her. It hurts loving this band when she's not here to love them with me. I just want her back. It feels like time will never go fast enough. It feels like it's going in slow motion. I get to celebrate a year of friendship with her this spring, alone. It's almost been a year. I can't believe it. I'm probably gonna go read our messages. I think I'm gonna write something to celebrate it. Wow! A year! I still can't believe it.

A/N: this is lame and sad. But I'm working on trying to be happier... Idk
~Samm🙈💭💚