Constellations, Alex Gaskarth, All Time Low

10

Petal

One gulp of vodka in the car.

When I got to the lake, I sat by a tree, leaning on it with my bottle of alchohol. I had my music on my phone turned on low, and I had an uber assigned to pick me up in a few hours, I just want to cry on someones shoulder, though.

Two more gulps.

Silas knew how I felt about Nathan. I was heart broken.

One gulp.

I wanted Alex. I wanted to kiss him again, because it made me feel good.

Another.

I shouldn't drink away my pain, but I wanted to.

Again.

I down more. I feel like shit emotionally. I'm nothing. Even my twin doesn't love me enough.  He kicked me out of the bus, practically.

I'm so stupid? I did that myself. I slapped him. That was my decision. Throwing a fit? Tjat was my decision.

After drinking the entire bottle, I sigh. My phone was going crazy, but do people really care, or do they just want the money I bring to the table?

I'm being stupid, this is irrational. I'm loved.

When will Alex make up his mind? I want to kiss him again.

Why does it matter to me if he wants a relationship or not?

Am I just so against kissing for fun?

I like him too much, and it's painful.

Alex

"I can't find her." Jack pants, freaking out. "I don't know where she would have gone!"

"And we checked all the local bars, stores, everywhere within ten miles."  Silas runs a hand through his hair.

"We'll find her, it'll be alright." I try mostly to assure myself.

"Her phone rings when you call her." Silas kicks the wall, and then has a flake of realization in his eyes, "Is there a lake near?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"I know where she is." Gavin says, "But when she goes to the lake, she'll be back within a few hours. She's okay."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"She loves the water, she'll stay there for hours. It's one of her outlets. I don't know why we didn't think of that before?" Gavin mutters.

Jacks' phone dings, and he shows us the message.

Petal// chill oit am on way bak

"So does she often get drunk while she's there?" Jack chuckles dryly.

"Not really, but I hurt her." Silas frowns. Jack texts the other guys and tells them where she's at and that shes on her way, and we all wait for her.

I wasn't going to ask how he did it, or why, but I was curious.

"It wasn't intended." Jack responds, trying to comfort him. "You didn't know that he hurt her, and you didn't know that she would see you walk off with him just to punch him in the face."

"How do you know I did that?"

"Dude, your hand is split, I've been with you since she disapeared, you haven't been punching walls." Jack explains, nervously.

A car comes up, and Petal stumbles out. "Thank you for the ride." She mutters, and pays the driver.

Jack comes up to her and hugs her tightly. "Don't go off without telling anyone again, okay? We were so worried."

She reaches up and messes with his hair, "Don't worry about me, lanky man."

Silas and I slowly walk up to her. "Oh look, it's the people who don't actually care about my feelings."

My stomach clenched.

"You never told me what he did or said to you." Silas says, "And when you saw me pull him out, it was to punch him. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I never told you because he's your best friend. You didn't even want me dating him in the first place." She frowns.

"I forgive you, but you might want to tell sober me that too. She'll be harder to reason with." She hugs her brother, and shoves him away.

"I'm sorry that I made you guys look for me. I promise I'll tell you guys next time." She smiles, and the guys nod, and hug her, Jack stays to the side.

Once they've all hugged her, or whatever, she turns to Jack, "Will you please stay in my bus tonight? I need someone to hold my hair back while I puke." She grins. Jack nods, laughing before he wrapped her in a soft hug, saying "I love you"  into her hair.

"Alex." She mutters, walking up to me, "I don't want time alone anymore. I want you. I want to kiss you when I'm not drunk, because let us admit my breath probably smells really bad right now. I hope you make up your mind soon. I admitted that I like you, you never admitted your piece, it's time  for me to tell you though, that I'm tired of waiting. I don't want to be alone anymore."

"I don't care if you saw me in my underwear and you want to be a gentleman, Alex, I want you to mean it when you tell me you want to be in a relationship with me. We may be four years apart, but what does that matter? I want to be with you.

"And I know that my mood changes so damn easily, it always will, but you're strong, you can handle it. I'm not that bad." She looks down. "Well, think about that. Goodnight."

She walks away before I can get a word in, but I catch her arm and kiss her softly. God, she has terrible taste in alchohol.

"You won't remember this, but I want to be with you too." I mutter, she wraps her arms around me, burries her head in my shoulder, and I kiss her forehead, she raises up, and kisses me on the lips, and I respond by kissing back, but not for long, because that could be taking advantage of her.

She walks with Jack, but she invited me to stay with her. I declined, because she's probably going to wake up, remembering nothing.

Jesus Christ, she's going to be the death of me.