Constellations, Alex Gaskarth, All Time Low

33

End of tour, Australia, October.

Petal

"We haven't just had time for eachother in a while," Alex mutters after the concert, "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Alex." I smile, "Stay with me in my bunk tonight?" I ask.

"Yeah, just let me shower." And so he did, I waited in their dressing room, scrolling through twitter, retweeting funny things, and replying to fans every now and then.

Zack was on the phone with his mom, telling her a corny joke that I chuckled at. "An old farmer had a pond, and a few pretty girls decided they were going to go skinny dipping in it, so the farmer comes by there and they say 'we'll get out as soon as you leave!' And he says, 'oh, I just came to feed my aligators.' So he ends up seeing them naked anyway. I didn't tell the joke right, but Rian, Jack, and Petal laughed."

"That's bad." I hear his mom respond, making Rian, Jack, and I laugh even more. Zack grins at me because we exchange cheesy jokes all the time since Paris.

Alex comes out, I say good night to the boys, kissing their cheeks, and walking hand in hand with Alex to my bus.

"You know, if I didn't know how much you love me, I'd be jealous of you kissing their cheeks." Alex blushes.

"I could just suggest a threesome or more with either -"

"No." Alex snaps, but I pull him to me, letting him know I was kidding by giggling.

"Is this your way of saying you're at least a little bit jealous?" I ask.

"Only sometimes." He chuckles, letting my comment slide. "But I know that they wouldn't try anything, and neither would you. Even Jack, and even if you did suggest that, I'd say no too, because you're mine."

I look up at him, "I love you, Gaskarth."

"I love you too, Shay." He pecks my lips and we walk again.

When we get to the bus, I say goodnight to my tired boys, and hug them, before climbing into my bed with Alex. "You need to tell him." Silas whispers.

I climb into my bed with Alex right behind me and grab my laptop. "We can look at gifs of us on Tumblr, or read our fanfiction." I giggle. "Or watch Netflix, and cuddle, make out."

"Mm, not really up for reading fanfiction." He laughs, making a face, "But all the others, I'm good with that."

I pull up Tumblr on my phone and search our tags, giggling from when people caught pictures of us on the beach, staring at eachother on stage, pictures of us with fans, or Alex kissing my cheek on stage. I saved a lot of them, because they were so cute.

When things start to repeat on Tumblr, Alex starts kissing my cheek, my nose, my forehead, and finally my lips. I bite his bottom lip gently, wanting him to open his mouth so I can tangle my tounge with his.

His hand gently massages my hip, and then he slowly pulls away. "Every time we kiss, or touch, I get butterflies." He smiles. "Almost seven months that we've been dating, but I still get that feeling."

My heart flutters. "You keep count of how many months we've been dating?" I giggle.

"No, Zack does. He's sappy."

I grin, "He's cute. I like him." Alex playfully glares. "Oh shut up. You're cuter." I tell him.

I open my laptop and type in my password, and forget what was on my browser.

"What's that?" Alex asks as I click out of it really quick.

"Nothing." I answer, my stomach doing a flip.

"Had that been apartments in Baltimore?" He grins from ear to ear, sounding overjoyed.

"Yeah." I mutter, looking down. "I don't know."

"Wouldn't you rather," He kisses my forehead, pausing, "move in with me?"

"There's a lot to think about." I respond, but grab his hand, "Like my mom, and my band. What about recording an album? We would already be away from eachother a lot with us touring. You know? And I've only skyped your parents with you. I haven't met them yet."

"Petal, they love you just as much as I do, and you'll meet them soon. Just wait. And we can work it all out." He smiles. "We have a week left on tour, will you come visit me and meet my parents?"

"Of course." I respond, and he takes my lips to his, his sweet tasting mouth making me smile.

But It's time to tell him.

"Alex, you remember how you mentioned things about us having kids every now and then?" I ask, my gut churning. He had mentioned things a lot more, recently.

"Mmhm?" He asks. I can feel his entire body tense. Shit.

I'm horrified.

"I'm never going to be able to have a child." I state, sadly. He loosens up a tiny bit, but definitely not much. I could tell that he's sad.

"Hey, it's alright." He isn't smiling anymore, and he's still tense, he rubs my dudes.  I didn't know who he was trying to comfort more, me or himself. "Why can't you?"

I have to blink back tears and I can't look at him, "I have been pregnant before. And I lost the baby. I lost my child." My tears freefall, and he catches them with his thumbs. "You know how in Greys, the doctor tells Mer her uterus is hostile? I guess it's the same with me." He relaxes and snuggles against me, running a hand through my blue hair and the other pulling me closer to him.

He's silent as he holds me close, kissing my head. "I don't know if I believe in God," he mutters, "But I do believe that everything happens for a reason. You'll always have that baby in your heart. They love you."

I smile a little bit, "I know. And miscarriages happen. I'm just terrified to lose another baby."

"I will admit to you, that I want children someday. You'll have me, the entire time, okay? We could adopt, or try again. I love you. I'll wait for when you're ready. Anyway, it's too soon in our relationship right now for babies, unless it's accidental." He hovers over me to kiss my stomach. "It'll work out, Princess."

"You don't hate me?" I ask.

"I could never." He presses his lips to mine again, and we hold eachother until we fall asleep, without watching Netflix or anything, just holding eachother.

I'm glad he didn't ask whos baby it was, not like he would know the guy, but still. I'm so lucky to have Alex.