Infinity | Sequel to Right Now |

Pushing Through The Pain

Virginie's Point Of View

December 6th

I wake up a couple of times through the night, always by a nightmare. The heat Harry radiates scares me for the first few seconds, but he holds on tighter and caresses my skin with few soft kisses on my shoulder. It calms me down instantly. It feels good to be protected. He is like my human shield, keeping me safe from anything bad that happen to me.

I fall right back asleep in the warm embrace of his loving arms around my waist. I put my hand on his around my waist and absentmindedly play with his rings, like I too often hoped to feel when Matt's arm was around me.

I wake up again when the day has risen, alone in the bed. I get lost in the sun shining through the windows as I'm not used to that in London and I try to remember everything that happened last night.

Even though I wanted it, I wanted him more than anything, I was unfaithful to Matt. It breaks my heart to realise that. He doesn't deserve any of that. I don't want to lose him, but I can't take what happened with Harry seriously. It happened because we were infatuated by one another. We thought it could be nice to get a taste of how things were before between us, but it can't be. He told me he regretted leaving me. It drove me crazy. That's all I had been wishing to hear for so long. Now that time has passed since last night, and I think back about it, I don't know if I believe him. It could be true, but it would be wrong. I love Matt. I'm with Matt and our lives will be less chaotic than Harry and I's would be.

Thinking about it all makes me stress and I don't want that. I have an incredibly high level of anxiety these days and I don't want to increase it. I don't even know how Harry will act towards me this morning. I don't even know how I want to act towards him either.

I turn on my side and think of Matt again and the three calls he didn't pick up. I lift my body on my elbows and look on the nightstand to find Harry's phone still where I put it last night. I'm calling him one last time. This is now or never. I'm sick and tired of doing all of the efforts on my own.

I dial his number and I'm haunted by anger and stress inside of my body.

It rings once.

Pick up, Matt! Please... You can't be throwing what we have like that so easily. What have I done?

It rings twice.

He's going to pick up. He has to. He needs to tell me he loves me and that everything is fine. It was just a silly fight and it shouldn't have taken the proportions it did. He loves me.

It doesn't ring a third time.

WHAT!?!?!?

I'm pissed. I'm seeing red. No. Black. He voluntarily hung up. He ignored the call. That's it! I'm done.

What did I ever do to him? Apart from what I've done yesterday with Harry, something he doesn't know about... I'm annoyed. Angry even. I'm here, laying in bed, stressing and feeling bad about everything I did and he doesn't even think of me. I bet he isn't missing me at all. He's too obsessed with his job anyway. I went from being happy to pissed in a minute the time I woke up completely.

I put Harry's phone back where I took it, trying my best not to throw it against the wall with all of my strength. I collapse on my pillows and sigh deeply. That's when I notice Harry coming in, wearing only his boxers hanging on his hips.