Infinity | Sequel to Right Now |

Tragedies Are Following Us Like A Shadow

Song for this chapter:
- Train Wreck by James Arthur

Harry's Point of View

January 24th

***

To: harolds1994
From: virginie.dulude
Object:  The Visit

Hi baby,

It was so fun to hear you on Grimmy.  I am so proud of you.  I am so happy the world knows I am yours and you are mine forever.  I love you so much, it makes no sense.

I just wanted to talk to you about my visit to my grandma today.  It was only me and Dad.  She has switched hospitals to be in a special palliative home where she could die in peace.  She can stay there for as long as it takes for her to die.  It's so beautiful.  She has a big window with a view on a large garden wonderfully covered in snow.  It was sparkling under the sun.  It was heavenly, truly.  Every nurse here is so nice and it goes so well with who she is.  This place is the perfect for her to live her last days, maybe even weeks.

I had brought her a crossword puzzle as I know how she loves them.  Dad and her boyfriend had to leave to go pay to plug the TV or something so we were left alone in her big and luxurious bedroom.  We talked like we have never talked before.  It was a wonderful moment.  I asked her what was her favourite memory from her entire life.  She responded with a weak laugh that apart from the birth of both of her child, it was her wedding day.  I know her marriage wasn't healthy as her husband and the father of Dad was abusive.  But what she was talking about was the feelings she felt that day.  How she felt when her own father asked her if she was ready and all that nervousness inside of her.  It was a good day for her and I got to make her feel all of her happiness for that short moment we spent together until Dad and her boyfriend joined us back into the room.  I will always remember that moment and I am all the more thrilled to go see her again.  I learned a lot about her, things I didn't know and I wish to know more.  I want to question her about her life and everything she lived, the good and the bad, but I don't have enough time to make feel the bad again.  So I'll just focus on the good memories.

I wish you could be here right now to dry my tears, Harry.  I miss you.  It is hard to go through this without you.  You have always been by my side when things gets hard lately.  I feel lost now that you are not here.  I used to love having the whole bed for myself, but since you are back into my life, I hate it.  You are missing from my bed right now.  :P

It's crazy having this feeling at the bottom of your heart to be scared of going to sleep.  I get it every night, fearing that when I'm going to wake up, in a matter of hours, she could be gone.  Just the feeling of getting the most fundamental and usual thing in life can be so critical to someone else.

I'm trying my best to see her, because I have been gone for so long and I haven't seen her in what seems like a lifetime ago.  I'm doing my best to be with her, because I feel like, if I don't, I won't deserve to miss her.  I don't want to regret anything in my life, but this this is bigger than anything I've gone through.  It's death.  What sucks is that I have to face it alone.

I feel so selfish!  What sucks even more is HER facing everything alone in an hospital by herself.  What are my problems like when when she could die at any given moment?  I feel so bad for not being more present.  What did I have more important in my life to do than being there for her.

I can't believe she is as fragile as a candle and that her fire is about to burn out. I also can't believe that someone so dear to me is dying and the world keeps on turning and people are complaining about stupid stuff and not caring about each other.  I don't want the world to revolve around me, I want me to be more aware and conscious about everything else.