Infinity | Sequel to Right Now |

Papers

Virginie's Point of View

January 7th

Messy!?

What does he mean, things are going to get messy?!

To be entirely honest, I didn't say a word. I kept my anxiety to myself at the thought that Jeff just called and told him something that makes matters worst to what it initially was. Harry didn't say what it was about and I didn't push him to. When he hung up, he only kissed me and turned around, asking me to spoon him. I did, but I couldn't get to sleep. Anxiety hit me hard. Every scenario has been running in my head to the possibilities of what Jeff had told H.

I felt a panic attack rushing inside of me, wanting more than anything that today was over and done with. But time seemed to go even slower the more I wanted it to go faster. I only could relax when H started to snore. It's really weird, because when he is knackered, he is really loud. I think, knowing how good he sleeps by the sound of his snores, makes me feel better. In any case, it made me feel better last night. Ask me in twenty years if I still like the sound of his snores!

I think it's the first time in a few weeks where I wake up before this early bird. My dreams kept me up all night and, at one point, it felt useless to go back to sleep. I took my phone and headed downstairs, still feeling a bit sore from yesterday.

I am boiling myself some water to drink it with honey like I used to do all the time. I walk bare feet through the kitchen, always forgetting what I need or what I want to do. All my thoughts are possesed by this stupid meeting with Columbia. I got Harry in such a mess. I hate myself for that. I always complicate his career and I hate it, because he loves what he does so much.

I need to distract myself. It's a bit past 6AM and H has set his alarm at 8:30AM to get ready for Jeff and Glenne's visit. So much for making a schedule... It's sad we had to cancel it, because I loved it. I loved even more the fact that he includes me in his routine now, he makes me an entire part of his life. My desire to plan everything is often stronger than myself and, the fact that he now sends me his usual routine emails, is the greatest of attention. I will always know what are his plans for the day, even when he is away. It truly means the world to me.

I stop staring blankly at the window in the kitchen and get myself moving at the sound of the kettle. I take the honey and a cup out of the cupboard and pour the boiling water in. I take a seat at the counter and tip my lip in the cup, but it's too hot to drink yet, so I put it down, wondering what to do not to get lost in my thoughts again and start panicking.

I sigh and look around the kitchen. I end up bored and drawing figures on the marble with my finger. I take my phone into my hand and unlock it. I don't have neither the Instagram or the Twitter app on my phone, which is a huge relief. That way, I am not tempted to go look for any response to the article published about H, involving me and all I have caused him.

Again I am being too emotional. I need to get a hold of myself. I need to channel these feelings and do something productive. What do I do for fun? I write. Matt!

The idea sparks in my mind and I run through the house to look for my story Matt has reviewed. I find it on a table in the hallway where I had put it right after he had given it to me a couple of days ago. It was such a nice gesture. Whatever happened between us, he is a gorgeous soul and I love him with all my being. He has always my best interest at heart, but our values, work and the constant jealousy towards Harry made us drift away. I guess he was right... Harry kind of always had my heart, but I think I had to experience something else to value our relationship and our individual selves better.