The Guide To Being Transgender

Do I Look Trans Enough? (+other insecurities)

This update is a bit long. It'll deal with a lot of dysphoria and insecurities that come with being trans, as well as doubts that many trans people tend to have.

Dysphoria is a common concept in the trans community. Most trans people have dysphoria, but it comes in varying quantities. I have a lot of dysphoria. I avoid mirrors and positions where I can see my body, just because I have so much dysphoria. Hell, sometimes I skip showers for days on end because of particularly bad bouts of dysphoria. Gross, I know. I avoid talking and laughing because of dysphoria, and sometimes I can't even bear to read a book written in a girl's first-person point of view. So yeah, I have a lot of dysphoria.

That still doesn't make me more trans than someone else. I have a friend who experiences a very small amount of dysphoria. They don't mind a lot of things about themself. They mainly dislike their chest and body size, but not much else bothers them. They are just as trans as I am.

Your transliness is not defined by the amount of dysphoria you feel. I know some people have doubts about being trans because they lack the crippling dysphoria that they hear so much about. Don't worry about that. If you identify as trans, then you are trans, no matter how much dysphoria you experience.

Now, let's tackle the "looking trans" thing. I have heard so many people ask if they look trans enough, and variances of that same question. What the hell does that even mean? There is no certain way to look trans! If you're a trans boy with flowing, gorgeous long hair, then congratulations! You're still trans, and you look trans because you are trans! How can you not look like something that you are? Obviously, if you're trans, then you look trans. It's fine! You have absolutely no need to worry about that.

If you're trans masculine, you do not have to chop your hair off and wear button-down shirts to prove it. If you're trans feminine, you don't have to paint your nails and wear dresses to prove it. Wear what you feel comfortable in, and look how you want. There is no way to look "trans enough." Every trans person looks different.

In psychology, we have a term called gender typing. Trans people often do this to themselves so they can prove that they are the gender they identify as. I'd like to say you shouldn't have to prove yourself, but a lot feel as though they do. I, myself, have felt that way before.

Gender typing is the exhibition of gendered stereotypes. For example, a popular cis female who is a cheerleader and likes to shop and do makeup is gender typed. That's not necessarily a bad thing as long as she genuinely enjoys those things. As an opposite, a cis man who plays football and doesn't show emotions other than anger and amusement is also gender typed. Again, this isn't necessarily a bad thing.

This becomes a bad thing when you force yourself to be gender typed just to prove your femininity or masculinity. That goes for both cis and trans people.

Unfortunately, trans people often force themselves into a gender type, to prove that they're trans. This isn't good. It isn't healthy. It can cause you to feel a lot of shame and discomfort.

I want you guys to know that you don't have to do that.

To all my trans brothers out there, it is okay to like pink. It is okay to wear the occasional nail polish, or maybe even a dress. It is okay to like bows and flower crowns, and blush and makeup. It is okay to take pride in your appearance, and to go out and shop for trendy clothes. It is okay to wear jewelry and to read romance novels. All of that is okay! Do what you like to do, and be yourself.

To all my trans sisters, it is okay to wear dirty jeans and old tennis shoes. It is okay to wear loose clothes and to just throw something on. It is okay to prefer short hair over long, and to like your unpolished nails. It is okay to dislike shopping, to enjoy sports, and to watch action movies. It is okay to like cars and planes and trains. It is okay to do whatever you want to do. Again, be yourself. You're feelings are the only thing that matters. Have fun being you.

You don't have to prove that you're trans. You all look trans enough. You're all feminine enough and masculine enough. Every single human being is different. Gender types are society's problem, and who said we wanted to be a uniform part of society?

I love you guys. Stay strong, love yourself, and be you. I hope this helped some troubled souls. Remember that I'm always here to talk, and my kik is kellabellawuzhere if you need me.