The Guide To Being Transgender

My Personal Dysphoria

Dysphoria is different for everyone. It isn't too bad for some people, and it kicks some other people's butts. Personally, it kicks my ass pretty damn hard. Excuse my language.

I experience chest, thigh, genital, face, and stomach dysphoria to varying extents. I'm not super dysphoric about my height since I'm relatively tall for someone who's dfab, but my proportions make me seem smaller and that kinda sucks sometimes.

I wake up every day, dreading the fact that I'll have to look in a mirror. On some really bad days, I end up just staring at myself in the mirror and crying for a good twenty to thirty minutes. Trying to brush my teeth and do my hair without glancing down at my breasts and stomach is a one-person battle. I wish I had abs and pecks, not flab and breasts.

My face is too feminine, my eyes are too large. My hair is too downy, my feet too small. My weight is too heavy, my muscle lacking. My clothes are so baggy, the style is just tacky. I cover myself up and hope for the best, but without fail, I'm treated as if wearing a dress. I'm misgendered and hated, angsty and jaded. Nothing I do is ever enough. I might as well wear make-up, dresses, skirts. Not pants and button-up shirts. No one notices the effort. They think I'm gay, a dyke, a fag. A mere child who dresses in relative drag. Well this is me, saying I'm done. They've had their tricks and their teases. Now it's time for my fun. I cut my hair even shorter than before and laugh as my mother cries. She tries to talk me out of it; key word, tries. I don't listen. I've had enough. It's time to cut all this down; get rid of the fluff. Exercise, healthy foods, and binders. The girl I was is so dead, her parents will never find her. Now I am him, his, he. I need no reassurance, I just need T. My transformation is up, my gender fulfilled. Dysphoria exists, but so does free will.

Gat dang, that started as a regular rant and then it kinda turned into a poem. Sorry about that. Anyway, the message is there. Everyone struggles with dysphoria from time to time, some worse than others. You can get over it, though. You can work through it. Just remember that it won't last forever. Don't do something you'll regret. Don't take away your future. Don't give up. Live long and prosper, brothers and sisters, siblings and friends. Fair winds.