The Guide To Being Transgender

Look to the Future

Hello, everyone!

So, a common issue with the mindset of many trans people is the tendency to dwell on the past and present. Of course, it isn't a bad thing to look back and see how far you've come. That's a good way of observing the past and its relation to the present. I am referring to the way we often accidentally forget to look at how far we've come and instead observe how much farther we have to go.

For example, if I look back on the past in a healthy, productive way, I will realize that I have come very far in my social transition. I'm much happier than I used to be, and all of my friends know how to refer to me. Outside of home, I'm hardly ever misgendered. I've also come a long way in saving money for my medical and legal transition. I have about 1500$ saved up, which will cover my name change and a few months of testosterone. I have come a very long way in the past few years.

However, I have a tendency, as many trans people do, to look past that and only dwell on how far I still have to go. My family doesn't support me. I haven't gotten on testosterone and never managed to convince my parents to get me on blockers. I'm still so far from getting top surgery and even farther from getting bottom surgery.

I need to learn not to dwell on that stuff, and so do all of you. I find that a good way to stay positive is to look to the future rather than the past. No matter how far away your end goal is, you will make it.

A good exercise is to imagine yourself ten years in the future. What do you look like? What are you doing with life? Where are you living? Those kind of things. I'll start.

In ten years, I will have been on testosterone for eight or nine years. My voice has already dropped to capacity. Hopefully, I have a small Adam's Apple. My face has squared out a bit and my hairline has receded just a bit (I'm probably on something to stop my hair from receding too quickly). My hair is kind of long, about shoulder length, and shaved on the sides. I have some stubble, maybe the slightest bit of a beard. I have two lip piercings, a septum ring, and many tattoos. I've gotten more piercings in my ears. I wear clothes that don't swallow me whole. I've had top surgery, and the scars have been covered by a special tattoo that I've been envisioning for years and years (I'll show you guys when it actually happens).

My thighs have thinned out some. My hips don't seem so prominent. I'm saving money for my bottom surgery, which I will hopefully get before I turn thirty. Sometimes, I wear make-up just for fun, or paint my nails, but no matter what, I am still always gendered correctly. My legal name is listed as Macksimillion Liam Topinka. When I fill out paperwork, I check the 'M' instead of the 'F' under "sex." My passport displays my proper identity, so if I ever wanted to travel in stealth, I could.

I live somewhere up north, most likely Illinois or Connecticut. I'm in grad school. I've nearly completed my doctorate in clinical psychology. I'm working on my masters in gender studies. I live in an apartment that I don't struggle to afford, and I have two dogs that I love unconditionally.

I work for the FBI, and I'm working towards a position in profiling. To cushion myself and gain some extra spending money, I make bracelets and chain accessories, and pick up a shift or two at the local bookstore or library.

My family has come around. They use the right name and pronouns, though they slip up sometimes. My friends and I have kept in touch, and still get together whenever we can. Each year, we attend the Philly Trans Health Conference together, and even hosted a panel last year.

After years of ASL classes, I have become fluent and often sign even with other hearing people in order to keep my skills fresh.

I can finally go to a beach shirtless without feeling super self conscious. I am happy. My depression is an old friend that I now have control over most of the time. I haven't had a panic attack in months, maybe even years.

I am content with where I am in life, and look forward to the years to come.

That's how I see myself in ten years. Thinking about my life like that makes me feel better about where I am now. It makes me feel like I will make it, even when I think I may not.

I think you guys should try to envision yourselves in ten years, or at least where you'd like to be in ten years. If you feel comfortable enough to share, please leave your future vision in the comments. I'd love to read about it.

I love you guys. You will make it. I know you will.