Breaking Ice

Chapter 55

Amelia's POV:

    While Isaac was at therapy I decided to ask Josh to go to dinner. We needed to talk about this whole situation without ending up in bed together. We met up at Patty's, as usual.

"Hey" I smiled as Josh sat down with me

"What's up?" He asked "why'd we have to meet up here"

"We need to have a real conversation without you know" I said swishing my arms

"Wow uh okay" he said rubbing the back of his neck

"The kids are my main priority and I really want you to be in their lives but we need to work something out. You disappeared for 13 years. I don't know what you were doing or who were you doing."

"Amelia, I told you it was one time honest. It meant nothing" he said sounding upset

"Who was she" I pressed

"I don't even remember it was so long ago"

"You can't stay at the house until you give me complete transparency Joshua"

"You're joking right, that's our house"

"It's stopped being ours when you left" I said staring at him

"Fine it was Sidney" he said leaning back

"You're fucking kidding me" I said shaking my head

"You wanted transparency Amelia" he spat

I can't fucking believe it. I had an off feeling when he said he was living in Portland. Sidney was who he cheated on me with back in high school.

"Fuck you Joshua" I spat

"You're telling me you didn't sleep with anyone else, kiss anyone else? In all thirteen years. I don't believe that for a second" he said getting angrier

"I made out with Travis and Carter I never slept with anybody" I said

"Fuck" he said putting his head in his hands

"Non posso crederci" I said covering my face, taking Italian in high school really has helped me when I didn't want anyone to understand me.

"Stop speaking Italian, I can't understand you"

"I can't believe this" I translated "what do you want here? Why did you come back?"

"I miss my family Ahme, I missed all of you. I left to get better for you guys. I come back and I keep getting asked the same stupid questions. I told you I fucked somebody else but you keep asking me about it. I don't feel good about it I never did. Amelia I hate this"

"And I like this Josh? Did you think this is what I had planned for my life? Have a kid, get married, have my husband pretend to kill himself, and have another kid a week later. No Josh this wasn't the fucking plan"

"You act like I don't fucking know that. I know what our plan was and I fucked it up, I fucked everything up. You've only told me that a billion times since I've been back"

"Hey I don't want to intrude but could you guys dial down the f-bombs. Thanks baby" Mrs.Patty said coming over

"I'm so sorry" I said with a sad smile as she walked away

"We were supposed to have another kid Josh. You were supposed to be there to teach Hayden how to walk and be there for her first Christmas" I said tears forming in my eyes

"Amelia" he said wrapping his arms around me

   I hate how much he messes up my emotions. I want to be so mad at him but then I remember all of the good times we've had together. Why does everything have to be so messy all of the time?

"It feels like I don't know you anymore Josh, I'm not the same person I was before. I think it's better if we just start over?"

"What do you mean?"

"Go on dates again. Relearn everything about each other. Would you mind staying at Tyler's for a bit? I doubt he'd mind"

"Uh Okay" he said repetitively blinking "I'll text you later than"

Josh got up and left. This is way too much to handle right now. I love Josh, but we were finally getting back to our new normal. I wish everything would be how it was in the past. Making sure Josh had left, I went out to my car and cried. Harder than I have in years. Not knowing what to do I drove to Steve's apartment.

I went up the stairs and knocked, trying to calm down my sniffles.

"Princess" Steve said swooping me into a hug and leading me to his couch

"What did he do?" Steve said "I'm going to fucking kill him for real this time"

"It's too much Steve. I can't handle this anymore" I cried and cried

"You are so strong Ahme. There is nothing you can't handle. You've made it this far. Now grow some ovaries and pick yourself up" Steve said sounding like a dad

"You're going to be a great dad Stevo" I smiled for this first time in what feels like forever.

"I hope so" he sighed "now tell Stevie what happened" grabbing some beers from the fridge

I told him everything. Not just about Josh but, about Carter too. How I started getting real feelings, strong feelings, for Carter before Josh showed up. The blowout in Patty's.

I stopped to take a breathe and Steve said something I never thought in a million years would come out of his mouth.

"Maybe this chapter needs to close Amelia. For good this time. You don't deserve to feel like this" He said

"Wh-what"

"You obviously aren't happy with him anymore. Life is too damn short for you to try to put the whale tail on the donkey." He scolded

"You're right" I said assuring myself "He just came back and thinks everything will be the same. That I'll just melt into his hands again no fuck that"

"Damn right Ahme, now you go and tell him that. That you're done with him because you deserve better. So do your kids." Steve smiled

"Thank you so much Stevie. You're the best" I said kissing his cheek and leaving

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A/N

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! The past few weeks have gone by so slow. I've applied for a writing gig for one of my favorite podcasts website and I'm still waiting to hear back ahh. It feels like forever since I posted. How have you all been? It's almost the first of Halloween!!

I've had some Italian bits in a few chapters and I was wondering if that bothered anybody? I'll keep to English if it bothers you just let me know!

Q: Do you speak multiple languages ? If so what do you speak?

-Izzy