Breaking Ice

72

Amelia

   Josh and I fell asleep on the couch early last night, I didn't even hear Hayden come home. I had a message from Isaac waiting for me when I woke up.

"Hey mom uh Corey and I talked last night and I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I know this is uncharted territory for everyone and it's weird. Everything has just been changing so much lately and I uh wanted you to know that I'm willing to give Josh a chance. I'm just not really comfortable with the whole calling him Dad yet though, uh okay call me back. I love you" Phone Isaac said. 

   His voice was cracked and raspy and I could tell he had been crying or screaming for a while before calling. I wiggled away from Josh and headed upstairs to check on Hayden. She was still fast asleep, I pulled her blanket up a bit more before heading downstairs. I brewed myself some tea and started making pancakes for Josh and Hayden. It was only eight a.m so I was waiting a little while before calling Isaac back knowing him and Corey they were probably up until three and won't be awake until at least eleven. 

"Morning" I heard Josh say from behind me

"Hey" I smiled flipping the pancake

I felt his arms snake around my waist and he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Whatcha making?" He asked

"Pancakes for you and Hades" I smiled "They aren't as good as Jenna's but I'm doing my best"

"No offense but nobody can beat Jenna's cooking" He smiled "don't tell my mom I said that"

"Ice called me last night," I said with a sad smile 

"Really what did he say" 

"He's willing to give you a chance. It's going to take some time but you're going to need to be patient and honest with him about everything. Where you were, why you left, everything Josh. Hayden is still too young to know everything but Ice deserves to know what happened, we all can't keep tiptoeing around everything. I don't care if it's a one on one conversation or if we need to get a whole family meeting to talk about it but he deserves the whole and real truth. He's also not really up to calling you Dad yet so we will just have to move past that" I sighed

If anyone deserves the truth it's Isaac. He's gone through so much.

"Yeah of course. Is he coming home tonight?"He asked

"I still have to call him back he's probably still asleep so I'm just gonna let him sleep in a bit"

"Do you want me to get Hayden up to eat then?" 

Josh went upstairs to wake up Hades as I finished cooking up breakfast. I have very limited cooking skills but one thing you can't mess up is breakfast. I can't tell you how many times I've tried cooking dinner from a recipe and either burnt it or mixed up the recipe entirely. I set up their plates and poured Hayden some apple juice. The two of them came down the stairs laughing causing me to smile, at least Hayden is happy. Hayden helped clean up after we finished eating.

"How do you feel about your Dad being back and possibly moving back in?" I asked her

"I mean it's a little weird cause I thought you were getting divorced and he's been gone so long but it makes sense cause he's our dad and he's your person" she shrugged "He seems pretty cool but I still don't really know him that well"

"It's a complicated thing your dad and I but if you have any feelings or anything you want to ask about your dad you can always ask" 

"Why aren't you getting divorced I thought he said some shitty things to you," Hayden asked

"First language. Second sometimes when people feel a lot of emotions and aren't ready to express them to someone else they say some mean things. You come from two people who feel their emotions so hard that it consumes them and they end up making decisions without logic but feelings whether it be verbal or physical. It's a complicated situation but your dad and I have talked about everything and are ready to move forward"

"Is this one of those instances where you make decisions based on feelings?" She cut me off

I've created a mini-me.

"That's the complicated thing about love. Love is a feeling and its hard to make a decision like this without feelings and there is really no logic behind why you love someone or who it is that you love"

"I love you because you take care of me and are always there for me. I love Isaac because he makes me laugh and is supportive. There is logic to love." She explained

Damn this kid is a genius.

"Romantic love is different. I love your dad but I can't pinpoint what exactly about him made me fall in love with him. There is a lot about him that I love, how passionate he is, how cute he is, his mannerisms but there is no logic to why I am in love with him or why those things are important to me." I explained. 

I was confused about what I said but Hayden nodded so hopefully it made sense to her. 

"Did you always love him?" She asked after a minute.

"I think so. There have been times where logic and my emotions have gotten in the way I felt about him. Sometimes I'd be so mad at him that I thought I didn't or I thought about his actions and logically I shouldn't love him but then my feelings came back telling me I did" I said

For being thirteen she really had a lot of grown-up questions I had never even thought about. 

"Love is so confusing. No wonder you're so stressed all the time" She laughed

"Yeah it is, I can't even say you'll understand when you're older because here I am still confused"

"At least you found your person so it can't be as hard anymore"

"You're right but your dad is my first love so I didn't really have any other options" I laughed

Hayden and I continued laughing and talking. The more I look at her and talk to her the more I wish my mom and I had the same relationship. When I was her age my mom barely noticed my existence and not too much later kicked me out of the house when I needed her the most. One of the things I promised these kids the day they were born and to myself is that I'd never be my parents. I want to be the person they ask about love and can have conversations about their feelings without them being afraid. I never learned or knew what it took to be a good parent but I definitely knew what makes you a bad one. There is nobody in this life that I care more about than these kids. 

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A/N

The one we've all been waiting for!!!!! Why did Josh leave? I had a really hard time writing this since it has been so long since I originally wrote about it. I hope you guys got all the answers you wanted/ needed. If there are still any questions feel free to ask.