Breaking Ice

Chapter 62

Josh

This is it. I'm going to see my mom. My heart is beating a mile a minute. I've been working at a bar for the past week and staying with Jordan. Together we were driving up to see Momma. Jor called her the other day to let her know he was stopping by with a surprise. I truly hope I don't give her a heart attack.

"Jor I'm nervous" I said as we pulled down the street

"It's mom Josh. She's not going to hurt you. She's a lil fragile so she might like pass out so I'll have her sit down first before you come in"

"I haven't been this nervous since I asked A to marry me"

"Well at least you didn't leave mom at the airport"

"Oh yeah because that's so much worse than coming back from the dead Jordan" I said bopping him on the back of the head.

"Oh and mom can't divorce you"

"Jordan you aren't funny"

Jordan parked the car and shrugged at my response. He was going to go inside and talk to mom a little bit before texting me to come inside. My heart was still beating a mile a minute, nothing could ever be worse than waiting. My palms were sweating and my breathing was tight.

After what felt like a year Jordan texted me to come in. I have no idea what he talked to mom about. I was going in blind. With a deep breathe I turned the knob on the door of my childhood home, no going back now.

Moms face went pale, as if she had seen a ghost. Well.. I mean.

"Hey momma" I said, but came out more as a whisper.

"Joshy is that really you" she said tears flowing down her face

"Yeah it is. I'm so sorry" I said hugging her

"But you died. How are you here? Am I dead? I wasn't ready to go." She said eyes racing back and forth

"No Mom you aren't dead" Jordan clarified "Josh is alive, he's got some stories to tell you"

"Have you seen the kids? Oh they've missed you so much. Especially Hayden that girl has wanted nothing more in her life than her father. Every birthday she wishes for you to be alive"

"Yeah I've seen them you and the girls are the only people left on my list" I said trying to fight the tears

"Where have you been? Why'd you come back now?" She asked

I explained the whole story of Portland and Ronnie. My mental health, being at the recitals and performances, and basically everything before coming back.

    Telling her Amelia and I are getting divorced will just wreck her even more. I could see the wear on her face, besides aging, I could tell my absence caused her a lot of pain.

"Momma I'm so sorry I did this to you. I wanted to tell you before I got mixed into everything but I couldn't. I'm sorry I hurt you" I sobbed

"Never scare me like that again Joshua William" she said sternly

"Never" I said

    Just like that everything seemed to be back to normal. Telling mom about that wreckage of my relationship with the kids, Tyler and Jenna will have to wait for another day. Though it would have to be soon with Christmas right around the corner.

"When Jordan said he was coming over with a surprise I thought it would be a baby" Momma laughed

"Haha very funny mom" Jordan sarcastically laughed

"It's a Christmas miracle" she beamed

The snow had begun falling. The first snow of the year.

"I guess so" I awkwardly smiled.

"Well family I've got to get going. Josh I'll pick you up later and you can stay at my place tonight?" Jordan said standing up

"Uh yeah. I'll text you" I said glancing over at Mom

Jordan left and I could feel mom staring at me.Like daggers in my back. Great. I knew that the second Jordan walked out that door I'd be getting screamed at by my mother.

"Why are you staying with Jordan?" Mom asked glaring at me.

"About that uhh Amelia and I are kind of getting a divorce" I said rubbing the back of my neck

"Joshua William" she gasped "what happened"

"I don't know how to stop running my mouth. I also think Amelia had made up her mind before I had even said anything. She's been dating and moving on with her life. Over the past thirteen years we've both grown and become different people"

"How does that make you feel"

In all honesty I didn't know how I felt. Even though I thought of her and the kids everyday while I was gone and they were my main drive to getting better, I felt like this is what we both need. We needed closure. The thought of not being with her tore at my heart strings and her being with someone else makes me sick but she deserves someone better than me.

"I'm not sure"

"Do you love her?"

"Of course I do momma but we're different now"

"Oh honey I know that but if you love her you need to fight for her"

"Mom it's not going to work she's made up her mind. At this point I'm just going along with whatever she wants. She deserves something much more than me."

"As long as it's also something you want I have nothing else to say" she said getting up "and that this won't ruin Christmas, I want all of you here"

We talked more about everyone and about Christmas. This was going to be the first year everyone was coming back home. Momma was so excited knowing that it would actually be complete with me being here. I couldn't believe it.

Then it hit me. Jordan was bringing Sidney. Amelia and Sidney being in the same room, Christmas would be ruined. I'd have to talk to Jordan. This can't happen especially to Mom.
————
A/N

Long time no see. Soo I've been gone for almost a year because my senior year of high school was garbage and not so great on the brain. But as of two months ago I'm officially a high school graduate. This is so wild I started writing this in seventh grade. I had part of this written before I left but was never able to finish it. So here you are.

I've also fallen out of my fangirl stage and haven't listened to TØP in about a year. I'm not sure how long this is going to continue but hey here we are. Nobody even reads this anymore do they.

-Izzy