Breaking Ice

Chapter 66

Amelia:

It's Christmas. The first Christmas with Josh being back in our lives after being gone for so long. I can't help but think back to what would have been our first Christmas together, he was still in his coma. It feels like a lifetime and half ago he got in that accident.  I can't imagine Isaac or even Hayden going through something like that with the person they were in love with. Young Amelia was so fragile and clung to his bedside going to the hospital everyday after school in hopes of him waking up. When I think about the past all I want to do is crawl back into Josh's arms and have him whisper in my ear that nothing could change the way he felt about me. 

It's also the first Christmas where Steve and Luke aren't here to help with the excitement. The house has felt so empty without Steve's obnoxiously loud laughter and Luke constantly rehearsing scenes for whatever play he was starring in. This Christmas was going to be rough but I'm going to have to put a brave face on for the kids. Sure I promised them emotional transparency but I can't ruin Christmas, especially after everything. I can't help but feel horrible about not actually decorating this year.

With a sigh I got out of bed. My mind immediately brings me to the kitchen to make some tea for myself and hot cocoa for the kids. Out of instinct I grab five mugs. This is going to be harder than I thought. 

"Babies" I squeal running up the stairs "MERRY CHRISTMAS"

"Mom I'm nearly sixteen I'm not a baby" Isaac groans as I kiss the top of his head

"You'll always be my baby boy" I smile

"Merry Christmas" Hayden smiles

"Merry Christmas Ms. Haydey Jay" I smile using the retired nickname from her elementary school days. 

"Mommm" she groans

"Hot cocoa and presents in T minus fifteen minutes" I smile before going back down the stairs. 

As soon as my feet hit the bottom stair there is a knock at the door. Who could be knocking on our door at eight am on Christmas morning. I opened the door without looking and Steve comes barging in with his hands full of bags with Luke trailing not far behind. My favorite idiots on the planet have arrived, unannounced as usual. I wouldn't change it for the world.  They set the bags on the floor and I jumped into Steve's arms. I've missed seeing my best friend everyday.

"Princess what the fuck? You haven't decorated at all" Steve sighed "I thought Ice was just over reacting"

"It didn't feel like Christmas" I shrug "You guys weren't here. Josh came back. The days just flew by"

"Well it's a good thing we brought some stuff to decorate with." Luke smiles noticing the tears forming in my eyes

Within minutes they had assembled the pop up tree that was somehow pre-decorated and strung lights across the door way to the kitchen and along the railing of the stairs. It finally felt like Christmas. The kids came down the stairs smiling as they saw the decorations. I handed them each their cocoa as they sat down on the couch. 

"Merry Christmas spawns" Steve smiled hugging them from behind

"Holy shit!" Isaac smiled

"Ice please it's Christmas" I laughed 

"You said they weren't coming over" Isaac said looking at me.

"I didn't know they were coming"

"Princess it's Christmas why wouldn't we be here. We may have moved out but that doesn't change the traditions" Steve smiled hugging me

As a family we all sat around the tree opening presents and laughing. Our yearly tradition of Ice and Steve arguing over if Nightmare Before Christmas is a Christmas movie happened for the tenth year in a row without coming to a conclusion. The guys got me a framed photo collage of family photos, tears immediately fell from my eyes seeing how happy everyone looked in the pictures. 

I was nervous to see Josh tonight, I hadn't seen him since Steve talked to him. We were going into Momma Dun's blind. I still didn't know if Sidney was going to be there or if Josh still wanted me to come. My emotions always seem to get the best of me when I'm around Josh, I can't forgive him for the things that he said to me and about our family but I miss him. I miss the way his hair sticks up after he sleeps, the way he rubs his neck when he's nervous, how when he laughs his entire face scrunches up and his body shakes, and the way he wraps his arms around me when we slept. 

"Earth to Ahme" Luke said snapping in front of my face

"What sorry" I ask staring at him

"What time are we meeting at Laura's" He asks

"Four-thirty. I'm so nervous Lu" I said once I realize the kids had gone upstairs

"You have us if Sidney or Josh try anything with you we have your back"

"I miss him" I finally admit "Don't tell Steve"

I didn't want anyone know how I was feeling about this.  Especially after everything he's done.

"We know Ahme. He knows too. It's okay that you do."

"Do you know what he and Steve talked about in the bar the other day" I ask. Josh left without saying a word to anyone and Steve went straight upstairs after. 

"No he wouldn't tell me, no matter what I did to convince him into telling me" Luke grins. 

I don't even want to know.

"Fuck this shouldn't be so hard" I say falling back into the couch

"You go to your room and put on the hottest christmas dress and show him what he's losing" Luke smiles kissing my forehead

With that I head to my room and stare into my closet. It's snowing out so that cuts more than half of my dresses out, leaving four for me to pick from.

"Steven get in here I need help" I yell

Steve comes sliding in: socks and hardwood don't mix well. I ask him for advice and he immediately throws out my two favorite dresses. I apparently wear them too much. After many minutes go him mixing and matching the outfits he chooses. My silvery long sleeve dress and black booties with a moto jacket sits on my bed. I get dressed and Steve cat call whistles at me. He earns a middle finger as I spin around. For the first time in years I feel hot. 

"Tights?" I question

"Princess no. Show off those tattoos" He grins pulling me into the bathroom to do my makeup

This is going to be rough night. Without thinking I go into the kitchen to grab the bottle of red wine. I pour out two glasses, handing one to Steve.

"To what will most likely be the Christmas from Hell" I smile clinking our glasses.

Luke comes down the stairs whistling at me and his husband. Steve and him are wearing the exact same burgundy sweater but Steve fits tighter around his chest. After the accident he started working out to deal with his frustrations. Once the kids come down we load up the car to head to Christmas dinner at Momma Dun's. Everyone was going to be there tonight even Hogan and Ronnie. Ron and I haven't talked since everything we Ice, he doesn't know about Josh. Fuck. Hogan knows of course but it's all going to be so awkward.