Creepypasta Headcannon Oneshots: Book One

The One With The Beginning (feat. the fork in ej's eye socket)

"Eyeless Jack hates winter because the black goop in his eye sockets always freezes and then he has to spend hours scraping it out. It's a very tedious and painful process."

"Motherfucking god forsaken tar, stupid fucking cold-"

You quietly creeped through the halls of the mansion, unsure of whether or not you were allowed here. The Slenderman hadn't come to take you off to God-knows-where yet, so you figured you were in the clear.

For now, at least.

"OW! STUPID FUCKING FORK, I WILL FUCKING END YOU I SWEAR TO GOD-!"

You knit your eyebrows. What was that?

The answer came to you as soon as you rounded the corner:

Eyeless Jack.

Your immediate response was to turn away and hightail it out of there, but then you noticed the peculiar... predicament the eyeless cannibal was in.

Currently, he was standing in the bathroom, mask aside, shouting at a plastic fork like it had personally offended his mother.

What. The fuck.

You were just coming to the realization that maybe you were witnessing something you weren't supposed to witness, when the (un)masked demon turned to you.

You let out a shriek of surprise and took a few steps back. You're very clumsy though, so of course you fell backwards onto your arse.

"(Y/N)?"

You looked up to see Jack standing over you, shock and embarrassment(??) painted over his features. "What are you doing down there?" You scowled and picked yourself up off the floor.

"I fell," you replied shortly, before noticing the plastic fork he held in his left hand. "Why were you shouting at a plastic fork?" Jack flushed violet.

"Because I poked myself in the eye socket with it," he muttered, staring at the fork in his hand sullenly. You raised an eyebrow.

"Is this some weird kink you have or soemthing?" The words slipped out without your meaning to. You instantly froze, waiting for EJ to slice you up into bits, but much to your surprise, that didn't happen.

Instead, you'd managed to reduce the feared killer into a blushing, stuttering mess.

"N-no!" He said quickly. "It's, um," he sighed. "The tar in my eye sockets froze, and I had to scrape it out."

...

"What." EJ shifted his weight.

"The chemical composition of the tar doesn't react well to the cold, and has a freezing temperature of -9.5637 degrees-"

"No, not that," you interupted the cannibal. "Why scrape it out? Wouldn't it be easier to, I don't know, heat it up or soemthing?" EJ shuddered.

"We never heat demon tar," he muttered. "Nearly blew up half the mansion." Your eyes widened.

"Ok then," you started edging away from the cannibal, worried he would detonate at any moment. "I'm just gonna... Be on my merry way." EJ nodded.

"As well you should," he said, voice taking a serious tone. "Until you've been here long enough to pick up your own Sigma Signature, you really shouldn't stay in one place. I mean, I'd try to protect you, of course, but, um," he gestured to his face. "I can't see jackshit." You nodded, face pale.

"Al-alright," you said, suddenly very afraid. "I'll do that." EJ nodded again.

"Oh, and (Y/N)?" You turned around.

"Yeah?" EJ studied his fork carefully.

"Whatever you do, don't forget to lock your door and windows. You never know what can get in at night." You were sure you were about to pass out from fear at any moment.

"Ok." You squeaked, then turned around and left, wondering what the hell you'd gotten yourself into.

(BAM! First oneshot out of 200 DONE! WOOO! YEAH!
...
I can tell none of you are as excited about this as I am.
And I'm not usually worried about posting something, but I realize I've built this up A LOT so please be nice in the comments
EDIT: Stupid cover won't load the full image of the drawing I spent FIVE HOURS ON so I'm putting it here because, and I'll repeat myself, FIVE FUCKING HOURS.

EDIT, AGAIN: This book just hit 100K! Thank you guys so much! Celebration with what I suspect is going to be a supermassive chapter (it's certainly shaping up to be that way; I'm estimating somewhere around 3K, and that's not me being generous- quite the opposite actually) but shhh don't jinx it. Again, thank you for all the reads, and comments that keep coming even though this thing hasn't updated for a good long time now. Cheers!)