Playing Provincial Proxy (MSS#3)

58. Powerless

Playing Provincial Proxy

Kabanata 58

HIS SMILE FADED. Kathey's wide smile eased into a meager beam. She's not as shock as my suitor to see me emerged in front of them.

I am completely wordless. I was an idiot to stay there, so dumbfounded to make a move or to say a speech.

"I presume my guest has just arrived. Let her enter, my apo." I'm not sure if the Kapitana's words are pure serious or there's a teensy hint of mocking in it. Of course, it's probably the latter.

Xinna's shock expression immediately revamped into a curious one. He didn't move kaya siguro si Kathey na ang malawak na nagbukas ng pintuan. Binigyan niya rin ako ng espasyo para dumaan. Without much further ado, I walked past them—past him— and carried my heavy feet into the eery silence of the white four-corner-walls.

In my peripheral vision, I am well aware of his sharp eyes. I could feel his voiceless accusation at me. Alam niyang ayaw kong makipag-meet sa Lola niya pero heto ako ngayon. Well, fair na kami. Ang akala ko'y nasa school pa siya but he didn't tell me he's having an acquaintance party with his ex. Okay. I'll stop there.

"Please consider this as our privy colloquy with Rural, Theoxenia and Kathey Bylle. Thank you so much." It's her indirect way of ordering them to leave asap.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat maramdaman, lalong lalo na noong sabay silang umalis dalawa. He didn't even try to stay.

Nasa sahig lang ang mata ko nang maramdaman ang matalim na titig ng matanda. Mukha akong tuta sa labas kahit halo halong emosyon na ang sabayang bumabagyo sa aking looban. Aside of my main purpose in coming here, what I saw earlier kept on bugging me. There's just something inbetween Xinna, Kathey, and this atrocious virago—I mean, Kapitana.

"I'm very much confident that your mother has rendered you about my warning, am I right?" she remarked.

I nodded, with no intent of going against her will. I will give her what she wants.

"Yet, you perdure with your forbidden relationship with my grandson. You're not in any related to me yet you have the guts to disregard my cautionary advice? Akala mo siguro hindi ko malalaman, ano?"

I'm at my very disadvantageous position. I don't want to admit it but this is what's true. Any wrong choice of words from me would gamble my mother's job and my father's life. Wala akong malalapitan sa oras na ito. Dahil kung may pag asa lang si Mama sa kapatid niya, dapat noon niya pa nilapitan ito. Pero, wala, e. Walang maasahan kay Auntie Bethel. I don't have anything to hold onto but this old woman. It hurts my pride and everything but in my current life and state, there's just nothing I could do. I'm totally powerless.

Nang hindi ako magsalita ay mahinang humalakhak ang matanda. She's like a black witch inside those innocent white hospital gowns and unstained bedsheets.

"I won't go this far kung sinunod mo ang utos ko noong una palang. But you're as stubborn as your infidel mother! Now, I'm about to ruin your academic performance and you're about to risk your drunkard father's life! You really want to see me try, huh?"

My ears rang when she mentioned my "infidel" mother and "drunkard" father. She's not! Labis ang pagpipigil kong hindi ikuyom ang kamao dahil baka makita ng matatalim niyang tingin. Huminga ako nang malalim, iyong walang tunog na magagawa. Then, for the first time after I gathered my courage, I looked at my lover's antagonist grandmother, straight in the eyes.

"I'm sorry about my past behaviour, Kapitana. Hindi ko na po uulitin."

Tumaas ang kanyang kilay. "What do you mean by that?"