Playing Provincial Proxy (MSS#3)

68. Patikim Ulit

Playing Provincial Proxy

Kabanata 68

"BAKIT DI MO sinabi! Ba't di mo sinabi sa'kin, ha?!" I thrown a weak punch on his chiseled chest with my teary eyes on it. I can't even look at him in the eye due to the guilt I'm feeling. "A-All this time, I thought you're sad because of Kathey! I have said hurtful words but you never corrected me! Why, Xinna!" I pounded on his chest again, though I'm not blaming him for anything. He remained silent and I think shocked, carefully and willingly listening to my childish tantrums. He let me punch him again and again. I don't want to look at him, afraid that all my expectations would go to waste. He must have been disappointed of me for not trusting him, for blaming him, for pushing him away again. He must have hated me for accusing him of anything other than what he truly is. He can push me anytime soon, break my hug, and honestly and painfully tell me that yes, I was really wrong and mistaken this whole time. He must have been crushed and disheartened knowing that the only person he thought could give him encouragement and comfort was the same person who have pushed him down and judged him. My heart is being killed a thousand times for those possible scenarios.

My fear grew bigger when I felt his huge hands on each of my arms, pulling me away from him. N-No... please... n-no... I desperately retained the hug, but as he continues to disentangle it, my determination grew weaker and weaker by the minute.

My tears continue to fall shamelessly. I feel like I'm going out of breath due to controlled sobs.

"X-Xinna, no, please. I'm s-sorry. I'm so sorry!" I cried more, remembering that painful night in the garden where I begged him to go. I even kneeled down just to show him how badly I needed him to be gone even though it was a death for me. His last smile, last words, last walk, last view, and all of it, it was death for me. When he chose to follow me, when he chose to leave for me, because of me, God knows how much I wanted to run after him and begged him to stay. I wasn't able to greet him a happy birthday because it wasn't happy at all. All I could think was my selfishness, my own way out, my own convenience. After that, we never got the chance to talk about it. And honestly, I don't know what to say the moment he'll bring that topic out.

I heard him cursed under his breath. "Hey, Miss Vice President. Look at me please." He gently lifted my chin with so much carefulness as if I don't deserve his anger and force. I am ashamed of my accusations and can't still look at him in the eye. Sa gitara niyang nakapatong sa barandilya ng kanyang veranda ko itinuon ang luhaang mga mata.

I heard him sighed. "Look, I... I seriously have no idea why did you suddenly break into my room, crying, and can't even look at me, Rural. You are making me crazy right now for thinking what I have done to make you cry. I am fucking frustrated because I can't think of anything other than the things you have told me this morning before you ran away... which I can't even consider because none of it was true or nearer to the truth..." the evident frustration in his tone made me turn my head and look at him... finally.

I bit my lips to stop the outcoming sobs at the tip of my mouth. My heart is breaking when I saw the real concern etched on his handsome feature. His thick eyebrows were drawn closer not because he's mad but because he's curious. His eyes were darker than ever not because of anger but because of unspoken concern. This man's expression is the total opposite of what I'm picturing him in my mind.

He raised an eyebrow, and his lips drawn in a thin line. Ngayon lang ako tinablan ng hiya dahil sa sobrang lapit ng aming posisyon. He didn't need to push me away this time kasi ako na mismo ang biglang humakbang palayo sa kanya, kasabay ng pagbitiw sa kanyang braso. Namumula siguro ang ilong ko dahil sa pag iyak ngunit wala atang kapantay iyon sa pamumula ng buong pisngi ko. Bulagsak kong pinunasan ang sariling mga luha bago huminga nang malalim. Matapang kong ibinalik ang tingin sa kanya.