Playing Provincial Proxy (MSS#3)

42. Patak at Payong

Playing Provincial Proxy

Kabanata 42

Nagtagal ang tingin ni Xinna kay Kathey. Lumawak ang ngiti ni Kathey nang makita si Xinna. Tila agad niyang nakalimutan ang pag uusap namin. Lumapit si Kathey kay Xinna, sa sobrang lapit na kulang nalang ma-picture ko kung paano siya lumambitin kay Xinna sa canteen gaya ng narinig ko.

"Xinna, tapos na iyong scene?" her voice became unusually loud and alive.

Mag iiwas na ako ng tingin noong nag angat ng tingin si Xinna. Our eyes met. "Yes. The choreo is looking for you." he said while staring at me.

"Oh. Okay, let's go?"

"No. Go ahead," he said coldly.

Doon na ako nag iwas ng tingin.

He's planning to give the SSSS to Kathey. Hindi niya tinanggap kaya ibinigay sa akin. Ano iyon?

I know Kathey looked back at me. I don't need to see her sorrowful expression because of what Xinna said.

"Okay..." the sadness is very evident on her voice as she left.

Lumapit si Xinna sa akin. "Are you okay?" the concern in his voice burned my heart painfully.

Xinna, watching you near your ex-girlfriend isn't easy. Watching you stares at each other's eyes, holds each other's hands, and talks with each other is very difficult. I'm justifying it by thinking it's just an acting but I can't help myself being jealous every time. The pain is slowly killing me. The insecurity is gradually eating me up. And I don't want to be the villain of this story. I said to myself that looking like a fool isn't my
forte... but even my own words are betraying me.

"I'm jealous..."

Bumaba ang tingin ko pagkatapos sabihin iyon. Ayaw kong isipin niya na ang babaw ko. Pero ayaw kong magalit sa kanya na hindi niya alam ang ikinagagalit ko. This time, I wanted to be transparent. I want to tell him everything that makes my heart ache because I don't want to regret anything. My relationship with Arren was a great lesson learned for me. I want to take that lesson seriously because I don't want to have regrets this time.

His gentle hands touched my shoulders. "Why are you jealous?"

Inangat ko ang tingin. Halos malunod ako sa lalim ng mga tingin niya sa akin. His dark eyes were laced with concern I couldn't fathom but it seems like he's trying to make me understand. Kinagat ko ang labi. "Because I'm insecure,"

"Come on. Why's my girl insecure?" malambing niyang sinabi na humaplos sa puso ko. Tila isang salita niya lang ulit, tanggal na iyong sakit na dinaramdam nito kanina.

"Nakakainggit kasi hindi kita pwedeng hawakan sa harap ng maraming tao. Gusto kong tumabi sa'yo kung pupunta ka ng canteen pero hindi ko magawa." I'm ashamed of saying it but I couldn't stop myself anymore. Pakiramdam ko kapag hindi ko sabihin ang nagpapasama ng kalooban ko, sasabog ako dahil sa sobrang sikip na nito.

Kumunot ang noo niya. Tila may inisip saglit bago kinagat ang labi at muli akong tiningnan. He cursed softly before pulling me into a tight hug.

"Is it about what happened earlier? Is this why you were mad at me?" he whispered.

Alam niya na kung ano ang tinutukoy ko. Hindi ako sumagot. Pinikit ko lang ang mga mata at dinamdam ang mainit na yakap niya. Ito ang gamot ko. Ito ang panghahawakan ko.

Ayaw kong pagbawalan ka sa gagawin mo, kasi wala namang tayo, Xinna. Nasa sa'yo nalang kung hahayaan mo ang babaeng iyon na hawakan ka sa kahit anong paraan niyang gusto. Gaano ko man kagustong maging akin ka lang, wala akong karapatan. Wala pa akong karapatan, e.