A Girl in a Forgetful World

I Can't

I don't know what it is,

That keeps bringing me back

To that moment in time

When we crashed

So hard.

I don't know if it's

Something wrong with my mind,

The twisted,

Dark,

Painful paths,

That somehow turned even more pitiful.

This was supposed to be fun,

But now I realize fun is a distant memory.

I can't get over it.

It hurt too much

To know you.

The deepest,

Darkest 

Parts of you.

I can't leave you either.

There's something that keeps 

Making me fall for you all over again.

You want to talk about it.

I don't.

I can't.

This isn't what we imagined,

This isn't what we wanted...

But something that came about

Because of things that should have been nothing.

I can't get through my week

Without thinking of you

And texting you

And wanting you.

I can't escape this.

I don't even know what it is.

I don't understand it.

I can't.

I can't go on like this anymore.

I let it all go,

All in one night.

I told you everything I needed to,

Yet I can't seem to heal.

All these broken parts,

Broken hearts,

Broken friendships...

I thought they were everyone else's fault.

How selfish and stupid of me to think.

I am the toxic one.

Aren't I?

I can't comprehend the pain

Both of us have felt.

I've tried to look at it from both sides,

I've tried to tell myself everything is okay.

But I won't believe it.

I won't heal. 

I...

I just...

I can't.