A Girl in a Forgetful World

I Miss You, Dad

I had a dream

Last night,

And you were there.

We were together on a playground,

And you were pushing me on the swings.

We were laughing,

We were smiling,

And we were happy;

Something that we've never been,

And I'm afraid never will be.

In my dream,

We were sitting at the kitchen table

Doing math homework.

You were helping me learn

How to do geometry.

You were encouraging me

Every step of the way.

If only it was like that outside of my dreams.

In my dream,

You told me I looked beautiful

In my graduation gown,

As I walked with my diploma

From an elite school

You always told me I would get accepted to.

In my dream,

You were at my wedding,

Giving me away to a man

You said didn't deserve me.

We were dancing together,

Swaying in the silk and lace.

We were happy then, too...

Dreams are much happier places.

In my dream,

You held me as I cried

Over the loss of my grandmother.

You told me everything would be alright,

And that I would be safe

In your arms.

In my dream,

You were there-

Not just present but...

There--

There to experience my life,

There to encourage me,

There to be with me.

But really,

You're thousands of miles away.

You'll never read this

Because I'm not a good writer.

You'll never push me on a swingset

Because when you left,

I was barely able to walk on my own.

You'll never laugh with me

Because you love to criticize me.

You'll never come to my college graduation

Because,

According to you,

I'm not smart enough to go to the school of my dreams.

You'll never give me away at my wedding

Because you won't be invited.

You didn't hold me as I cried

Because the main reason I cry

Is you.

My dream of you

Is a much better image

Than the real you.

I woke up

And found myself missing you...

Except,

It wasn't you.

It was the dad of my dreams.

I miss you,

Dad.

I miss the dad you could have been.