I'm beginning to think that
Maybe they're right...
And I hate myself for it.
Maybe they're right,
Maybe I don't deserve to be happy.
Maybe I'm selfish,
Depressed,
In need of help,
Overly anxious.
Maybe I don't deserve his love,
And maybe...
I really am weak.
I feel weak,
I really do,
For crying in secret.
I don't open up to people;
I let the cold consume me.
I can't think of how I'd tell them.
I don't want to make them
Depressed like me
Because I don't deserve that kind of love.
I'm crying in secret,
After screaming,
"You don't love me!"
At him
During one of our few phone calls.
"Maybe one day I will..."
He responds.
I don't know why I'm surprised,
Or even why I'm hurt.
Haven't I always known
He'll never love me?
That he'll never care?
Why does it break my heart
So much?
I see the way she
Glares at me in the hallway.
I laugh it off,
And it really is funny.
Who cares what she thinks of me?
But,
Deep down,
I'm terrified.
Is she going to hurt me again?
Is she going to humiliate me,
Break me,
Dehumanize me?
Again?
The word is bitter as his kiss
On another girl's lips.
I'm shaken to my core;
My heart begins racing
Whenever she's near me.
It's like a kind of PTSD,
Where I know what she's done to me,
I remember exactly what she's done to me,
And I'm scared it'll happen again.
And here I am,
Crying in secret,
Begging for someone to save me,
But too scare to open up...
He knows everything about me.
Except,
We don't talk much anymore.
I miss it.
I miss him.
I miss what I thought was him.
I'm crying in secret,
In the dark,
With no one to hug me.
I'm crying in secret
Because I'm scared of
What people will think of me
When I drop the Happy Mask,
And they see the real face of me,
Stained with mascara tears
Dripping from blotchy, red eyes.
I'm crying in secret,
Telling myself I'm weak
And pathetic.
I'm crying in secret,
Wondering if anyone will read this.
Will anyone care?
I'm not a good writer,
I never will be.
Just.
Give.
Up.
All of these memories,
Words,
And thoughts
Sting me like a bee,
And hit me like a flash flood.
But,
What hurts most of all,
Is that I'm always crying
In secret.
YOU ARE READING
A Girl in a Forgetful World
PoetryThis is a collection of all the poetry I have written. Some sadness, some happiness, and a concotion of both. Poetry is my way to vent and let my emotions flow freely. Thanks for checking it out, and I really hope you enjoy what you find! And please...