A Girl in a Forgetful World

I Know He Doesn't

He says he loves me, 

But I know he doesn't.

He says he cares about me,

But I know he never has.

He says that I'm a good friend

- Even a best friend for a little while -

But I know I'm not, 

And never was.

Why does it hurt?

I know I don't care about him,

Not after the way he's treated me

For two years.

Why does it hurt 

To see him treating everyone else

Like they are gods and goddesses

And then treating me like I'm nothing.

Why does it hurt 

When he ignores me,

Doesn't listen,

And abandons me 

For people who he calls "fake friends".

After all the things I have helped him through,

And all the times I supported him,

I will forever be nothing to him.

I'm not good enough for him...

Ands he's not good enough for me.

Why am I sticking around?

I'm tired of texting first,

Tired of being there first.

I'm tired of him treating me like I'm nothing

And me treating him like he is my everything.

He doesn't care,

I know he doesn't.

He doesn't treat me like he should,

And the worst part 

Is that I know he doesn't...

And somehow I'm still here.

I don't want him to talk about me

Behind my back,

Even though I think he does.

I don't want him to think 

That I'm as awful as I pretend not to be,

But he's cracking through my heart.

I know he won't read this,

I know he never will.

He hasn't read any of these,

He doesn't even know I write.

All because I know he doesn't care.

Maybe someone will tell him

How he's hurting me,

And using me with his mind games.

I'm too weak,

Too stupid,

Too stuborn

And too horrible to myself

To speak a word.

If he doesn't care now,

What will he do then?

If I ever tell him?

It's a scary unknown.

He said he loved me,

He said it so many times.

He said he wanted the best for me,

But all that means is me still in his life.

He contributes so much to my never ending hell.

He used to say he loved me,

Yet...

 I always knew that he didn't.